My baby came! in Since OD is shutting down....

Holy crap things have been super crazy. My water broke on the 4th and I had my daughter right after midnight on the 6th. I was in the hospital for 4 days and we came home on Saturday. My family has been completely there for me and super helpful so I can’t complain there. They took care of my house and cats while I was away and have helped me get to appointments and take care of baby. My Mom stayed with us for 2 days and finally went home yesterday.

Birth was absolutely painful, scary, traumatizing and definitely something I don’t want to experience ever again. I stopped dialating at 6 and had to have a C-section. They also left a sponge inside me so I had to have surgery. I had a total of 26 staples that were removed yesterday. Finally after a week, I was able to poop yesterday morning. I am so glad to have my daughter but after epidural and all the pain I went through, I’m so glad I made the decision to get my tubes tied because I don’t think I’d be able to go through all that for a second time.

Then like a dumb ass and me always trying to be a decent person, I allowed baby’s Dad to be around. He did nothing but piss everyone off and be disrespectful to me. I guess while I was having baby and surgery, he fucking took my phone for 30 minutes and lied about it. He didn’t shower so he smelled really fucking bad. He made no effort trying to get to know my parents and just looked like a fucking weirdo. He kept bringing his family without telling me so I have these random people I’d never met before coming to meet my kid where I wasn’t asked if it was okay if they held her and it made me really uncomfortable.

He never signed her BC so I named her what I felt was best. I kept telling him that paperwork has to be turned in before we left the hospital and everything but he decided not to show up until 3 fucking hours after we were discharged so they gave him the paternity affidavit where he thought because he had that he would be able to change her name. Needless to say, we both have to sign it and have it notarized. He’s back to messaging my friend and saying really mean, hurtful things about me in attempts to get his way.

I get that he wants to see her but now after everything that’s happened, I’m scared to allow it. He’s mentally ill and I’m terrified of what he’s capable of. My Mom made me promise I won’t be alone with him or allow him around the baby until he gets help. I should have never allowed him to come around but I didn’t want to carry around the guilt of not letting him be there for the birth either. This is a really hard situation to be in and I’m hoping someday everything is going to get figured out because I just can’t handle this drama anymore.

Anyways, I need to nap before she wakes up. More later.