Unexpected Pleasures in Random Thoughts

aka, i kissed three boys

I’ve been gone for two weeks. Although its been the beginning of my summer, it didn’t quite feel like summer until i came back to Portland.

School ended June 23rd and i almost immediately drove to a central Oregon town, Bend for an outdoor concert. I had the distinct pleasure of seeing Paul Simon with his amazing band in probably the most ideal outdoor conditions. $20 got me a tasty cold cider and meal from a Himalayan food truck. The temperature was perfect. I was alone, so finding a close-by spot on the grass was easy. Worried that i might burn, a shady place presented itself to me.

My favorite moment: laying on the hood of my car in the parking lot (i left early to avoid the rush) while Paul plays his encores. After talking to the audience about how our society and world are making decision in anger, he plays Sounds of Silence (1 of 2 S&G songs he played, along with America) as the sun is settled enough to let the light of a few stars peek through.

Wonderful. I was even able to get into a 3 hour kundalini yoga workshop, which was very interesting.

After being home for almost 2 days, i flew from Portland to Minneapolis for a family gathering.

And from there to Chicago.

I left a little piece of my heart in Chicago. It is in the form of a 40 year old, 5 ft 6, bald&bearded, half Mexican, GGG (ever heard the term? good, giving, and game), kinky musician named Abel.

My okcupid profile showed that i was in Chicago, i thought i could make some friends, meet locals (anywhere on the gender spectrum). People in the midwest are kind and willing to chat, moreso than in Portland. I spoke with a lot of people, and actually met 3 of them. I was brazen and brave- if after chatting they made it through my filter, i was very open to getting together.

Guy- sends me pictures wearing women’s lacy underwear, bi-curious, incredibly talkative, witty, hilarious, anxious/depressed, married a woman from Latvia to help her get citizenship and gets his living expenses paid for in return

I spent a good part of my first full day in Chicago (Tuesday July 5) with Guy. We met at a used book store, found some pizza, explored a thrift store, and talked a lot. Near the end he was gently putting his hand on my lower back, or other types of sweet gestures. He kissed me goodbye near the end, gentle, not assuming, sweet. We texted for the rest of my time there, but did not see one another again. He was not my type, not because of his quirks, but more because he was in that space of still finding himself. He had too much kinetic energy, not enough stillness, too much doubt. I felt like Guy would have found himself a good home in Portland’s sex positive community and i told him that a couple times

Darian- older professional man who is in an open relationship, intelligent, dominant(kinky), grew up in Chicago, half Ukranian.

I texted and spoke on the phone with Darian. It was fun to flirt, build up before we meet. He picked me up after i got the chance to see 2001: A Space Odyssey on 70mm at the vintage Music Box Theater and we went out for a drink. We chatted and flirted. I asked a lot about his ‘open relationship’ situation, which is just that… they have other partners, they are only sexual partners, and they don’t talk about it (but make sure they are safe, of course!). I was on the fence about whether i was interested in Darian. He seemed like someone i would need a few dates to figure this out. Partly, i am more attracted to partnerships where there is an intimate connection, on that dynamic scale of love that’s the amory in polyamory. Not that i want to go up the relationship ladder with someone, but i don’t just want sexual encounters. I invited him up to my airbnb, and upon first kiss, i knew NO for sure.

How is it that a man gets to almost 50 and can’t kiss? Open mouth, tongue wagging, slobbery. Well, communication is my area of work, and instead of saying anything, i used example. My only words were ‘slow down’. I began to use my lips and tongue to tease, showing him how i like to be kissed. He loved it and got the gist. After not too long, i let him know that there would be no getting naked and we sat for a chat. It was a good conversation. I knew he was hurt and he asked what happened. Of course i didn’t say, your gaping maw of a mouth instantly turned me away, because how helpful would that have been for him? And so hurtful. I talked about how i felt about the amor in polyamory. That the energy and connection mean the world to me and i didn’t feel it with him, perhaps if we’d had the chance to go on a few dates it would have built up.

Abel. Abel. Abel

le sigh i have an appointment at 10:00, so i don’t have enough time to go into this kind, loving, giving, sexy man i spent not nearly enough time with (and i stayed the night with him!)

I’ll be back later, details about my completely unexpected pleasure.

Last updated July 10, 2017