Please! in A small but passable life.

Okay, here’s the deal. With Mom’s permission we killed her Verizon contract and bricked her Samsung Galaxy 4 smartphone over a year ago. She was pissed that the bill kept going up and it was eventually over $100 a month. She was fine with killing it because she could still use it on wifi to play her games.

Sometime later on, all on her own, she got one of those jitterbug flip phones for oldsters at forty something dollars a month. She ended up hating the phone and never using it.

That was the status quo up until Monday morning.

I’m rather embarrassed to tell the following story. As most everybody knows, I’ve not had a phone for years, had no desire for a phone, and constantly ridiculed the “cool” people with permanently bent necks staring and poking at phones.

Anyway.

Monday morning Mom was in Walmart for her mani/pedi thing which meant I was wandering around the store like a typical Walmart dumbass shopper.

I found myself in the aisles with all the no-contract phones. I was amazed that there are so many options now. I perused the displays. I ended up in front of the boostmobile (Sprint?) display. Hmmm, that seems like the best deal. A ZTE PRESTIGE 2 $40 smartphone and a calling plan at $60 per month for two lines. Definitely the best deal. What is the difference between a $1000 smartphone and a $40 smartphone? No clue. And is there, really?

After Mom finished up we wandered back over there. Mom said, “We could try it.” I grabbed the last two phones.

Back at home I spent three hours online activating the phones, mentally kicking myself for even getting into this shit.

Mom checks the bank account this morning. No charge has been debited. I use new phone #1 to call the landline. It rings. I use new phone #2 to call the landline. It rings. WTF?

Okay, so just a little while ago I go back to the website. I log into my account. Hmmm, apparently shit is copacetic. It isn’t $60 per month for two lines, it is a promotional $50 per month for two lines with the first payment not due until 08/03/17. I signed up for the automatic payment option.

I took Mom to Nikki’s today to get her hair done.

Yeah, that was me sitting in the beauty shop with my neck bent and fingers poking at the phone for the hour I waited.

Shoot me in the fucking head.

Please!