You know what I miss? in Matters of the heart.

I miss that feeling of feeling important to someone. I am not necessarily saying that I am not important to some people. I am saying that I just don’t feel like I am. Maybe that makes me sound like a total bitch, but whatever. I merely miss that feeling of knowing I am thought about. I have spent the last 2 years having it thrown in my face how little I actually mean to the people around me. And perhaps that is partially my fault. I hold a certain amount of responsibility in who I surround myself with, but you would imagine that people would recognize your investment in them and at least to some degree appreciate it and return that to some degree. 2 years of being brushed under the rug and seemingly forgotten and dismissed. Never really thought about. I don’t like that feeling.

I don’t want to mention her, but way back when B made me feel at least somewhat important. She used to not be able to go a few days without talking to me. While I do believe she ignored her feelings or was too afraid to recognize them or what have you, she still made me feel like I mattered. Now that was before all of the recent bullshit, but still.

Back when I was with Amber....before the cheating shit. I felt like I mattered.

A few friends I believe I am important to. But I don’t know. That is different.

I would love that feeling of feeling important to someone. To know I am thought about without needing some selfish agenda.

I guess I am probably just tired. Emotionally drained and tired of having to be the one standing strong. Sometimes it is nice to not have to be the one holding everything up. It is truly exhausting. There is so much stress involved with everything and facing all this shit of not feeling important, and being basically told flat out how unimportant and unappreciated you are for 2 years, all the while handling literally everything....It would be nice to just have a little while of peace. Comfort. Relief. Relaxation. To perhaps not feel so alone, or isolated. That I wasn’t alone with all this stress and weight on my shoulders. It really is crushing to have done this for so long.

Sorry. Just a minor bit of venting I suppose.