Very Depressed in New Diary

I am very depressed. I don’t feel like doing a damned thing. Worker came today and after she left I laid on the couch and sat staring at my computer. I am reading a good Stephen King book called The Dark Tower. I just haven’t been able to get into it for the last couple of days. My case manager called today. She reminded me of my appointment with Dr. Isla. It is on Monday at 8:40am. She will pick me up around 8:35 Hopefully I will get my stiches removed .

I had a good talk with my worker Kelly. I told her that my case manager will no longer be able to take me out on the 3rd. We usually go to the bank, Gumby’s and Wal Mart on the 3rd. I asked her if she would be able to do the job. She said she could. So I will be having a ride to Gumby’s so I can get my cigars for the month

Kelly said she had a talk with George Vargo. He is head of the Housing Authority. He was telling her that four people have complained about my neighbor Jenn. He said he will have to do something about the situation. I said I don’t think anything will come of it. But we will wait and see.

Kelly did a good job of cleaning my apartment. After she left I felt like crying. I did not want to be alone. I felt very bad about the breakup with Chocolatechip. I really miss her. I do not want anyone else and if she ever wants to get back together I will take her back. We have broken up before and we have always gotten back together. Anyways I kept thinking about her wondering how she was getting along. I really miss her and all of this is causing me a great deal of pain.

I was also thinking about finances. I was wondering how the hell I was going to get through the month with no money. I have been in similar situations before and made it thro8ugh. I can do it again and I swear I would never use that credit card again except for emergencies. My case manager said I could pay it off in installments. But they would only charge me interest and I will never get it paid off. I would rather pay it off all at once and be done with it. But I was thinking about it and thinking about it wondering what the hell to do about it. I know what I am going to do about this I made up my mind and I’m sticking with my decision.

I was wondering how the hell am I going to get along without Anne. A big part of me does not want to go on. I am lost without her. She was the best part of my life. She was the only friend I had in the world. Now I have nobody. It is really shitty going through the day and not talking or even seeing another soul. It is really shitty staying in your apartment all the damned time. I keep telling myself what is the use of going out Everyone hates me and nobody bothers to talk to me.

I dread the weekend coming up. Weekends are hell. I will be stuck in my apartment without seeing anyone for two miserable days. It is the shits. I am wondering how I am going to do it. I am wondering if I can do it. Thought of being alone really scares me. Hate it