3am in New Diary

I went to bed very early last night. I woke up at 3,. I didn’t leave my apartment. Worker came yesterday and she did a good job of cleaning my apartment. I talked to her for a while about breaking up with Anne. I told her I was pretty upset about it. I said I called Healthways and tried to talk to my case manager. She wasn’t there and I left message. I said she will get back to me. Kelly, my worker, felt bad for me. She wanted to know why Anne decided to break up. I said I am not too clear on that. All I know is that Anne said we do not talk anymore.

After my worker left I felt kin d of listless and doles in the morning. I couldn’t concentrate on my book. I played computer games all morning. I got on Facebook. I belong to this one site for anxiety and depression. I posted something on there about being very depressed and would like to have somebody to talk to. I didn’t get much of a response,. Sometimes Facebook gets me more depressed and this was one of those days.

I turned on the tv and watched channel 9 news. After that I picked up my book. I am reading Stephen King. He wrote a series of books known as the Dark Tower. These are seven noels. I am on the last one aptly named the Dark Tower. I got lost in this book for a couple of hours. I love Stephen King and I thought these books are some of his best. I am about halfway through this book and I think I’m going to miss the characters when I’m finished with it.

Billy my case manager called around 12:30 I told her about breaking up with Anne. She said that was too bad. She wanted to see if she could get me in to see Bill tomorrow. I said my worker will be coming. Then she said she could come down around 3 today. She said Anne was my biggest supporter. She asked me why and I said about communication issues. I said we never talk or so she claims. I told her she hasn’t been calling me or anymore. Billy said sometimes people need space. Anyway I will have something to talk to her about

I had a med delivery Sam from Kroger’s Pharmacy delivered three meds. I had to charge them. Oh well I have my meds for the month. Then I scraped together a dollar and went to the snack machine. I haven’t been feeling like eating but I got hungry yesterday afternoon I did not see or talk to anyone while I was out. I did fix supper last night. around 5:30 I had a tv dinner

I haven’t been too anxious last couple of days. I’ve been very depressed about the latest break up. Whenever I start thinking about things I start reading. That has been keeping my mind off a lot of stuff. I have a lot to worry about mostly about finances. I did a dumb thing I got a credit I have a Capitol One Master Charge The current Balance is $242.89 I can pay this off next month. The problem is I wont have money to buy groceries. I will have to use my credit card again and rack up another big bill. I try not to think about this. because thinking about it only causes anxiety. Getting a damned credit card was the stupidest thing I ever did.

Well that is about it for now.

Kellyey