as means of introduction in poetry

You become a stand-up because
you don’t know how to play guitar or
anyway because you can’t play guitar well enough
to get anybody to listen
or maybe you CAN play guitar okay but
you’re just too weird looking or anti-social
to pull off getting people to listen to you.

And like Elliott Smith was one weird looking dude
but people would listen to him play guitar so
what does that say about me?

Does everyone want to be a rock star anymore?
Am I just too old and now everyone just wants to
run a craft-beer brewery now instead of a rock star?
What if you can’t physically grow outrageous enough facial hair
to legally purchase craft-beer brewing equipment?

Everyone in any rock band can play guitar pretty damned good
the lead guitar is probably the best of that team but
they can all play the guitar pretty well
well enough to get people to listen and
y’know, there has to be a bass player so
the third guy who shows up has to play the bass
even though he can play the normal guitar really well
and the drummer, that dude used to play guitar
but none of the bands around needed a guitarist and
he could afford to buy a drumset so
he plays the drums in the band now.
Even though he’s a pretty good guitarist!

But I can’t play guitar
I can’t play the drums or the bass or the piano either
I can sing in key but I got about an octave and a half of range and
Elliott Smith is more conventionally attractive than me so
I’m never gonna be a rock star and
so here I am
making fun of rock stars because I can’t be one.
Hello, I’m Mike.
Jokes incoming.

Last updated June 22, 2017