4 women and endless tacos. in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

My last entry was a loving goodbye to my dearly departed vehicle. And, I am sad, but I knew that this was coming.

I took my car on this four day road trip to PDX, I split it into 8 - 10 hours of driving a day, and before I took it I had a bad feeling that it was going to be the end of my car. Not only that, but when I told my dad that I was going on this trip, he told me that he had a bad feeling about it as well…which I could have taken as an indication not to go, but I had a bunch of my musical equipment and art just abandoned up there and if I didn’t go and get it I was going to lose it forever, so…it was worth it? I guess?

The only solace that I can take in the whole thing is that my car was going to die regardless, it just happened to happen at the tail end of this four day road trip, about an hour outside of my city…which, hitting it when I did, with traffic how it was, ended up being closer to like two and a half hours…with my car freaking out like it was having a seizure the entire time. Oh my god, it was terrible.

It’s so funny…exactly one year ago, I was going on my second year in my dream apartment in a sleepy little South County beach community with a fire place and vaulted ceilings and my two cats and my girlfriend that I thought I was going to be with forever, and we had money in the bank, and we went on trips together, and we never needed or wanted anything…

Now?

hahahaha.

Now I have nothing.

Losing my car, exactly one year to the day I saw my ex girlfriend and my cats for the last time…

All I can do is laugh.
I’m sure at some point I’ll cry about all of this…I mean, hahaha…I have to, right?
But right now, all I can do is just laugh about it.
It’s just too funny to be taken seriously.
This last year has been just too god damn funny to be taken seriously.
so, I know it looks like I have given up…but I haven’t because I’m laughing. And I’m putting one foot in front of the other, even as life keeps just kicking me in the fucking god damn ribs…and I keep walking forward and moving backward, and I keep laughing, and sometimes I laugh so fucking hard that I cry, but it’s not really crying, because it’s all just laughing....except for the times when I’m really crying, but even in those times I’m laughing somehow, and I’m crying because it hurts, but I’m laughing because it’s funny…life is just this giant inside joke and you’re either on the inside or you’re on the outside, but either way you can laugh at it, because it’s definitely funny.

it’s definitely funny.

Tonight, I am going to go to the beach with a bunch of my friends. We’re going to go to the cantina and celebrate Taco Tuesday, and I am going to drink as much as I want and eat as many tacos as I can, because I am going to take a long break from drinking until I accomplish two slightly large, but completely unobtainable goals.

How’s that for “adulting” you judgmental bitch? I know you’re reading this, and I kind of like the fact that you are.

Anyway, I don’t even want to talk about what those goals are on here because they don’t really matter to anyone but myself, however the alcohol has to go while I am achieving these things because it truly makes my head so foggy that I am not going to be able to get done what I need to get done.

That being said, I’m already about half a bottle deep, two pints, and a bong rip.

Tonight is going to be..something?

I need an energy drink.

Goodnight, lovers.