Trying to stay alive; a futile pursuit. in General Mental Anesthesia

Took that picture yesterday. Metaphorically and literally… I’m not sure where this road goes…

I was going to post about possibly being away for a few days because I was going to see a holistic Dr. in the hopes that she can save my life, similar to what I went through many years ago.

If you’ve been following me, then you’ve read my 1st entry on here which gives you a detailed outlook on the past year of my life leading up to this entry as well as my last post which is a follow up entry.

If you haven’t read them, I’ll wait..........

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Ok, fair warning, this is going to be a little hectic.

Murphy’s law is in full swing!

Everything that could have possibly gone wrong has.

This week.

I have a connection through a hotel chain that I ‘sometimes’ can take advantage of. The problem is reliability. This time however things were looking good, I had a hotel in Asheville, NC for just $35/night and it was a 3 star place. The downside was that it was over an hour drive from where I needed to be, but a sacrifice I was willing to make to save some money. Of course, at the last minute while I was booking it, the 2nd and 3rd nights went up to $114 for each and I couldn’t afford that. (Technically, I can’t afford $35/night… I’m having to borrow so much from so many it’s downright humiliating). This is why in my previous entry I said I had nowhere to stay, my planned accommodations fell through at the last minute.

I spent about 6 or 7 hours looking at options (places I could stay where I could sleep in my car). But there was nothing, you can’t sleep in your car at a campground, you need to pitch a tent. I do have a tent, but it’s a multi-person and in my poor health between my back injuries and ulcerative colitis, I would not have been able to assemble it.

I’ve never been there before, but I came across airbnb. It was hard finding a place on there in the $35 price range that allowed me access to a private (non-shared) bathroom, but there were a few options available between the upper $50’S - $60’S/night, considering that I was looking for immediate occupancy.

I found a woman who had a room available, so I went through the process of joining airbnb, and reached out to her, she was very responsive and kind; all of a sudden I had a place to stay. A few things though…

1. I’m financially tapped to say the least.
2. One source that I was receiving money from wasn’t going to be able to help until Wednesday the 21st, but at the time I was getting a hotel and you don’t pay until you leave, so that would have worked out just fine.
3. On airbnb you have to pay upfront. I only had enough in my account to pay for the car rental, I couldn’t pay for the room.
4. About 1:30 this morning, my brother transferred enough money to me (via paypal (his preferred method)) to my paypal acct in order to cover the room. Of course when the money transferred, I went to book the room, but in that process of payment with paypal on airbnb it mentioned taking the money out of my bank acct that I had linked with my paypal. (Still following me?) I hesitated. I decided to go online to my bank and check to see if the transferred funds were in my bank account.... they were not.

So, I went to paypal. The funds were sitting there; apparently, I had to transfer the money from paypal to my bank account manually. Guess what? That takes 1 business day! Now I’m screwed again. I called Paypal and they said that in all likelihood it would be in my account by the morning. That would be ok as the person I was to stay with pre-approved me.

Come morning, no funds. 12pm, no funds, 1pm, Nothing. I called Paypal and now they’re saying it could take up to 3 days! WTF???!!! As I go on a tirade with paypal, a friend of mine calls, but I couldn’t talk. I had to pick up the rental car at 1pm and I was clearly very stressed out. I know he can’t afford it, but he offered to transfer funds to help me. My sister (whom I was with at the time, said she can temporarily send money from her account to mine (we bank at the same place, so it would be immediate) as long as I then transfer my friends money to her when I receive it. Suddenly and amazingly things worked out! I booked the room straightaway!!!

5. I walk into Enterprise to get my car. I do not have credit cards. I’ve always lived paycheck to paycheck (and barely at that) so I never wanted the temptation of having plastic with high interest rates etc… I did that when I was younger. Now I use cash or my debit.

I knew that I would have to put a deposit using debit, but as I said, I had that money in my account. Everything was set… until they saw my drivers license. Now, I have no points, and a perfectly clean driving record. The problem was, I have a Florida drivers license and I was using a debit card from a North Carolina bank. For whatever messed up reason, in North Carolina that combo didn’t work and they wouldn’t take my reservation for a car.

All of a sudden… I don’t have a vehicle. With no transportation and no options this late in the day (I can’t show up at this woman’s house (she is elderly) too late). It was approaching 2pm and it’s a 6 hour drive, plus it was to be a very rainy drive.

And just like that… I had to cancel my appointment and I had to cancel the airbnb reservation (which I lost half the money on because I canceled within 24 hours). Un-fucking-believable!!!

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!

Now, I have to try to survive long enough to make another appointment and try to figure out transportation all over again. Stress plays a big roll in all of our health, but especially in those with colitis as I have or crohn’s which is similar. What I’ve been through lately… I can’t tell you how much I’ve been suffering, there are no words.

I can’t even think straight, partially because of the stress, the frustration, being upset, and in pain, but also because of the Prednisone. It’s killing me, but without it, I need to be hospitalized and in the hospital they’ll give me much higher doses of Prednisone, then send me home with some.

I know people that complain (rightfully so) with 5 day doses of Prednisone at small mg(s) because of the terrible side effects. I’ve been on 40mg consistently for 10 months now. You go look at at the side effects sheet of this med, I have just about all of them. Some of the worst being… short term memory loss, confusion (my brain isn’t working like it should) I can’t think or concentrate, my moods fluctuate by the minute… I have no control. That said, I do think I deserve an Emmy by how well I’ve kept my cool and tried to fight this. I’ve truly done a remarkable job, but it’s a major battle and I’m battle-worn for sure.

Many of my joints are in excruciating pain, fingers and wrists, ankles etc… I can’t even hold my cell phone half of the time, and I suffer with major depression, a lifelong war with that demon; advantage: dark side with all this Prednisone. I can go on and on, but those bother me the most.

So, I don’t know what to do. When I finally get the money from my brother, I need to send it back to him because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can redo this trip and he’ll need it for bills rather than it sitting idly in my account.

If I won or found say $100,000 every single penny of it would go to surgeries and procedures I need, and it probably wouldn’t even be enough; it definitely wouldn’t be enough… ugh.

I don’t even know how I wrote this much because I feel at a total loss for words.

This should sum things up.... stress, aggravation, prednisone.... this is my life.

P.S. The red dots on my hand… that was an accident way back in high school when I was burned by H2SO4 (Sulfuric acid) in 10th grade biology, not anything current.

Story Continued: Latest Update on My Health

Last updated November 27, 2018