Kitty stress. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I was off yesterday for the first time ever in the middle of the week because I had to work Monday. I started feeling really empty and alone starting Thursday night and it spilled over into yesterday. I woke up not feeling great and BD and I were supposed to do something downtown which didn’t happen. I know he was kinda upset but it’s not like I planned to not feel well. I’m glad we didn’t go because it was hot, I hate crowds and didn’t want to worry about people bumping into my stomach.

I picked him up about 4pm. I bought him a Father’s Day card and a tshirt. I know that he didn’t do shit for me on Mother’s Day but again, I’m always trying to take the high road with everyone and be the bigger person. He was super appreciative for the things I got him and now I don’t have to deal with him bringing it up anymore. I was underline pissed that he expected something for Father’s Day after all the drama and the mean things he’s said but I’m hoping that getting him stuff will encourage him to do better for his child.

We got pizza, watched some TV and just hung out. I let my hormones get the best of me and started crying because I’m so stressed about what I’m going to do about re-homing my kittens, feeling so alone in my pregnancy, and not having my family be involved in my life. I’m always okay with everything but I have moments where all this shit really gets to me. He rubbed my back and made me feel somewhat better.

As far as the kittens go, I only have 1 for sure getting re-homed and he’s gonna go to a co-workers house. I feel very good about it because they have a nice house, jobs, and I know the cat will have a great home. I still have 4 to home and I’m super stressed about it. I’ve posted them on Facebook but no one has really showed a lot of interest. I had one message asking me to deliver one in a couple weeks to a fucking hotel room and that’s not going to happen. This bitch obviously doesn’t have a car and isn’t equipped to have a pet so I refuse to give a kitten to someone knowing they aren’t capable of taking on a defenseless little cat.

My friend mentioned taking them to the pound as a last resort and I just know I couldn’t bring myself to do that because there’s already hundreds of cats there and I know if I took them there, it would basically be a death sentence. I couldn’t take them there knowing they would only have so long until they’d be put to sleep. I also refuse to abandon them somewhere or give them to people knowing they wouldn’t be able to take care of them. I plan to get them booster shots and call to find out how much it would be to get them rabies shots. I’m still trying to figure out their genders as well but they are almost 6 weeks old and are super wiggly so it’s hard.

I am hoping to make enough money between tonight and tomorrow night to put some money in my account and buy a vacuum because mine just won’t work anymore. I’ve cleaned it out and it still won’t suck anything up into the canister. I’m super annoyed because I just bought the damn thing a year ago but having pets has ruined it. I plan to buy another one and just make sure to keep it cleaned out better than I did this one. I know the one I have is still clogged somewhere and that’s why it won’t suck anything up but it’s clogged in a spot where I’m not going to be able to take it apart and get the hair out of it it.

My child may or may not have a heart issue. They showed me on the last ultrasound so they’ve made me appointment to do a fetal echo ultrasound for next Tuesday evening so I have let my work know I’ll need the night off. My OB made sure to tell me that most babies have something like this that gets resolved at delivery and for me to not stress about it but I still am. I told BD and he’s concerned too. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to come with or not but I think the lady that’s helping me get back into school it’s going to come. I just don’t want to go by myself because if I get bad news, it would be nice to have someone there to be supportive.

I messaged my Mom and told her but again, no genuine concern was shown. She just said, “I’ll pray for you” and that was that. She told my brother because he messaged me asking how my ultrasound went. He doesn’t give any kind of a fuck but because something may be wrong, he tried to reach out. I just told him things went fine. I refuse to feed into their lewd gossip and drama. None of them have cared about my pregnancy from the jump and I don’t appreciate them only making effort when it suits them. I’m very angry that my family is the way they are and that’s why I know I’m better off without them.

Anyways, I need to take a nap before my friend calls and I plan to nap again before I have to work later.