Chickaboom in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

So… I got into the office today at 7:45
Did a few paperwork things that each counted as .1 on the time sheet.
Waited for White Boss’ client to no show which counted as 1 on the time sheet.
Then… waited most of the morning. As my client work was entirely completed for the most part. And the bosses didn’t come in all morning.
So then I went to Ames to deal with my Ames clients.
Visited the Jail for a client that said hi and told me to plead her guilty and leave. So that is .6 on the time sheet.
Then I went to the office and helped a Chinese Student sign documents. So that is .3 on the time sheet.
Then I had a client meeting which lasted from 4:00 pm to 6:15 pm. So that is 2.3 on the time sheet. Got back home at 7:15.
So… 12 hours away from home today for a work day that only counts as 4.3 Billable Hours. No wonder I am exhausted and feel so… trapped in futility.

What I wanted to do after work today? Get a much needed hair cut. Continue my 5k training. Watch Attack on Titan’s new episode with Wife. Watch John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight. Get home at 7:15… wife is trying to get me to skip the haircut because “being fat is worse.” Lady, I can hide fat in a suit. I need my hair to look passable and (more importantly) this much hair is HOT when it is 103 degrees outside and I have to walk to court in a suit.

But… that just reinforces a naughty thought I had earlier today. So… my whole life is best summarized as an exhausting cycle of futility. Work takes loads of my time; but doesn’t pay. Wife takes loads of my time and emotional strength; but doesn’t say “I love you” or show me physical affection. As a giant cycle of futility from both places just… leaves me feeling… a but Futility Trapped… I got it into my head that… “wouldn’t it be great to start an illicit text chat with some one.” Granted, that is an awful thought, a mean thought, a hurtful thought. I should not have anything resembling even the concepts of sexy fun time with someone other than my wife. But… I did entertain the thought for a bit. Just… to fill that void. Futility is not something that does wonders for me.