Growing With God in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

I am anew. In as much then I need not mourn the loss of OD rather look on those 13 years of my life as God leading me on a long, winding path to this moment at Prosebox. What a journey it has been, lifetimes were recorded, tears spilled, joys and laughter shared, most importantly friendships formed with so many characters. Nothing which happened due to my being on OD was by mistake, amazing things, unquestionably Divine Providence in its full workings.

I began writing here quite a while back as a place to explore my Christian life with less difference of opinion, a fresh start if you will. What matters most is me getting to know who I am as a woman in Christ and this journal has thus far served well for that purpose, I desire to keep this my focus.

After much prayer this week and a bit of nudging from those wiser than me I chose to accept the opportunity to attend the women's retreat and conference to prepare to work in the mission field, whatever that will become. Beyond moving forward with my relationship with God I have a large need to build my relationships with Christian women, the retreat will afford me time to begin on that journey.

For a million and one reasons my life has had only a few strong female connections, it is time I make that primary and personal. My deeply trusted women friends all live hundreds or thousands of miles away, never affording me face-to-face time with a person who will go the distance with me. I miss such intimacy in my life, true intimacy has been rare. When it comes to digging into myself I am transparent and welcome a honest, candid friend. Presently I don't have one. My closest girlfriend is fairly closed and quick to shut down rather than risk being honest. Often I find myself walking on eggshells with her because she "just doesn't want to talk about it", including matters of Biblical and social concern. I don't roll like that so well preferring to hear truth even if it hurts.

Nothing against men, most of my life I've preferred male friends. They are outspoken, willing to debate and don't quit liking me because I think differently than them. But, they don't go into the emotional arena very well, it's just not their game. Plus I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt how I relate to them isn't the way God has in mind for me as a Christian. I can't be hanging out like I'm one of the guys and expect to grow as a woman, it just won't work. Or at least it hasn't all that well in 53 years. It's time for me to make effective, positive changes to who, when, why and how I interact with people across the board.

Though that all sounds like a reasonable and likely productive plan I will admit I'm a bit uncomfortable stepping over the gap. I'm heading out of my comfort zone. God will carry me through, undoubtedly