Mixed Nuts in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

(1) Has anyone seen this movie (Mixed Nuts)? Steve Martin and a list of other celebrities. I loved this movie growing up. Which… may explain a lot. It isn’t exactly “Sponge Bob Goes to the Mall” and I was super into this film from about age 8.

(2) Oh, this weekend. Well, this week really. But I’ll just focus on the weekendy bits.
My weekend started earlier than I expected it to. I went to Pearl Vision for an optometry appointment on Friday. The Optometrist did 2 different Glaucoma tests. The pressure in my eyes is 20 in one eye and 21 in the other. This means I have an increased chance of Glaucoma. A week after scheduling a back surgery and two weeks after being notified that I have Shingles… this is just… grrrr. I know I’m the genetic refuse; my brother got all the Good Genes and I was left with the leftovers… I get that… but this sucks. Testicular Torsion x2, Fibromyalgia, Shingles, Glaucoma.... I’m so sick of being the genetic fuck up.

But I didn’t have a lot of time to lament on that as MBFITWW was coming for a visit. So I went back home, cleaned and sorted what was left, and he arrived. We were watching My Hero Academia. (Remember, he is huge into Anime and usually our weekends are Anime Marathoning). I set us up with some drinks, we got into the show, then my wife texted. She had gotten out of work early and would be with us shortly. Okay. Cool. Whatever.

She arrived and… took over the TV. She wanted to show MBFITWW all of her favorite British Shows. At this point, I was a little inebriated, depressed over the medical news, and exhausted from a week full of Work From 7:30 to 6:00.

When I woke up Saturday, I woke up at 7. And couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I just went and played video games in the living room. My friend woke up, I made him 3 Cheese Scrambled Eggs, and we got back to My Hero Academia. Then Wife woke up; grabbed a bowl of cereal and “tolerated” our activity. At noon, we met another friend of mine at a Sushi Joint and had food. Then we went to Escape Chambers to see about an Escape Room or Lazer Tag. They only accepted By Appointment; so we went back to the Apartment to file an appointment (for the Party Room at 5).

So, with Friend Bonono and Wife there… I told MBFITWW to fire up My Hero Academia again. Wife was adamant that we not. I… decided to ignore her. We turned it back on. Bonono (who never watched Anime) got into it. So… Wife, in her eternal misery, was the only person that was bitter about watching Anime With Friends. After that, we went back to Escape Chamber where our 4 met up with a group of 8 to try The Room. We were SO CLOSE to getting out!! I unlocked the first several clues (feeling like a bad ass) and got us off to a good start. But one of The Strangers in the group of 8 that joined us was tackling The Final Clue and… kid you not; ALL he needed to do was count colored stickers that were attached to 9 different bullets. And he got them wrong. Yellow… he kept saying 8 stickers. There were 11. Orange, he got right. There were 2. Pink, he kept saying there were 6. There were 9. And he didn’t even count the Green ones. There were 5. IF he had just done that right; or if any of us had taken the bullets from him to count them out ourselves… we would have beaten the room.

Then the 4 of us grabbed dinner and came back to the Apartment for Cards Against Humanity. I won. Then Bonono left and we finished My Hero Academia. Started Overlord. Then I got exhausted and had to call it a night.

Woke up this morning at 6. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Today? Well… my friend and I finished Overlord while Wife was at work, and I was feeling just… SO exhausted. Like… literally fighting sleep. Then we watched “Watamote: No Matter How I Look At It, It’s You Guys Fault that I am Unpopular.” Before my friend left around 3 ish. I… was… pooped. And… maybe a little sexually frustrated. I mean… shit. We’ve actually measured it out now. In order for my wife to be in a position where she will even CONSIDER sex with me; she has to have had so much to drink that she is mostly incapacitated the next day. We honestly looked into this to see what the “balance” would be. And that is “the balance.” She needs to be so drunk that she almost blacks out in order to want to be intimate.

But… I watch some porn, try to take a nap, play video games, do the laundry. Wife comes home… FURIOUS. Bad day at work. Which means nothing is acceptable, good, or worthwhile. She demands a drink and food. I invite her to the leftovers of 9 different meals in the fridge and offer to make her a drink from the meager leavings we have available (Bourbon and Ginger Beer). To which she says, “I don’t want to drink what you had last night.” I try to explain to her that what I had was Rum and Ginger Beer; this is different, she could try it as it is the only alcohol/soda combination available. Somehow THIS turns into a big thing because I’m not listening to her. I certainly feel like exploding on her in rage; but say (instead).... “So is this another one of those things where life sucks and it’s all my fault?” Luckily, Wife had enough sense to admit, “No, this is because work was hell and I’m still upset about it.”

So, I say… lets catch up on our DVR shows. Because… why not?! I may not be able to have a healthy, interactive, or sexual relationship with my wife… but I can turn on a Magic Box of Moving Color and at least drink myself to some semblance of peace.

Wife pushes a weird combination of buttons on the DVR controller after I’ve set the shows to play. Suddenly, a robotic voice booms out of the TV literally explaining what is going on. I ask if she selected something like “Voice Assist” or “Visual Assist?” And she just gets so angry, frustrated, and flustered that she says “If it is going to be like this; we won’t even watch TV!” Turns off the TV and storms off.

Seriously? If this continues to be my life going forward? THIS.... THIS is what would push me into divorce. I’m working 70 hours a week at a job where I’m not getting paid and my bosses have no boundaries. My medical shit is getting ridiculous and out of hand. And yet… when I come home? All I get is shouting, negativity, coldness, and bullshit. I’m not saying my Wife needs to push her life away and focus on me. BUT I am saying that my wife has become so obsessively devoted to her negativity, how much she hates herself and hates her life, and everything in the world that isn’t the way she wants it to be… and that is where her heart lies. Not with me. Not with our marriage. But with her darkest, most negative thoughts. And when I try to talk to her about it? When I encourage her to get help, or cut me some slack, or even be nicer to herself? I get a 3 hour speech, with lots of tears, on how it isn’t her fault… she doesn’t do it intentionally, and how she would love to change but she doesn’t think she can.

I’m just… so tired.