Last Night in All of Me

So,last night after I wrote that entry,I went to sleep.my friend called and she was crying.We talked about her stuff and then she brought up how she didn't want babies.I said I really think I do.She said she was surprised at that because of the way I had been with my ex boyfriends kid.i asked what she meant and she brought up a time when I yelled at him while I was on the phone with her.She said she was mad at me for that and that it scared her for what kind of mother I would be.She was being honest and I appreciate that,but it made me feel awful.I thought I had been really good to my ex boyfriends kid.i still miss him every day because I was raising him.I did he'll at him sometimes and it made me feel awful afterward but I think people don't understand also that I was raising him...I wasn't babysitting or anything like that.i was his mother figure.i know it's not right to tell but I remember the time she was talking about and I yelled at him because he was in the middle of the dogs,who play really roughly with each other and I didn't want him to get a paw to his face or a scratch or a bite.Anyway.just had to get that out.her honest comment made me regret a lot and stay up all night thinking about my relationship with that little boy.it also made me realize my worst fear...that maybe I really would be a shitty parent.Ok,hafta go to work!