May 16th to May 23rd Finding things. in 2017

The 16th went well enough that there wasn’t really anything to report. The 17th went pretty well, but for a scheduling issue. I got to school, and found out that the schedule that I had received (not twenty minutes before) was completely changed. This caused some minor inconvenience, but, it worked out pretty well as I got a break in 3rd period, and my back/leg weren’t doing great. Then, when I left after 5th period, I got a phone call telling me that I was supposed to be teaching 6th period. They’d written in it in tiny Kanji on a correction without telling me about the schedule change. So, though my back had been doing better, I RUSHED back up three flights of stairs, then rushed to teach, then went BACK to the BOE to show them the schedule issue, and then went home exhausted.
The 18th was a day at Miyachu wherein I have no special memories.
The 19th shares the description insofar as school is concerned.

After school, I ran home, packed, and then rushed to rehearsal in Kagoshima. It was pleasant enough, and I did surprisingly well. I’ve been struggling with throat problems, and they appear to be caused by a combination of lack of control as well as just general throat troubles. Well, I did pretty okay on Friday, which was good. After that, I went to the hotel that I’d booked for the weekend. It turns out that it was the same hotel I’d stayed at the night when I saw West Side Story.

On Saturday, I woke up and played Pathfinder from the hotel room, then went off to rehearsal. I didn’t time it well and didn’t have time for lunch. However, there was a lot of down time, and I got McDonald’s during the Act 1 practice. I felt very sick after that and had to rush to the bathroom constantly. I don’t know if rejecting fast food is a sign that I’m getting healthier or sicker. After rehearsal, I went to a shop where I hoped I could get some more costume stuff, but, no such luck. I ended up wandering around Tenmonkan for far too long. I managed to help an Oklahoman missionary wife to find a place to wait for her husband. We had a rather awkward discussion of religion. Maybe I’m making things way too complicated in trying to constantly refine what I believe and how I express it, but, somehow, south west fundamentalist protestants didn’t seem to be overly likely to share many of my views. Anyway, the Thai restaurant closed down, or, at least, had boxes everywhere, an unlocked door, and nobody there. I wish I knew what had happened. Maybe it was a bad day. Instead, I went to the Sri Lankan place, which wasn’t great. Then, hotel and bed.
Sunday I had to be at Houzan hall by 9 AM, and I was. We built the stage. I blew my sound check singing, but, it all worked out. I ended up throwing together an octopus costume for masquerade, which was a hit. I was the only person dressed as something. My song wasn’t great, but, as the only person there with acting training, I think that I made up for lack of product with how well I sold it. In the end, we had a short strike (wherein I was useless). Then, I went for dinner at Rara. Basil was having a rough night, so I spent two hours talking to him after I was done eating. Then, I came home and went to bed late.

I woke up on Monday and made my way to the BOE, then to Sashi. The new 1st graders are adorable. The 4th graders are still adorable (the 3rd graders, last year, were my favorite). Sadly, Kokomi, my 2nd favorite student, has moved away, which is tragic. I will miss her smiling face.

I had dinner at Kitchen Inoue with Sam. We ended up talking for a long time, and it was a good talk. He’s a good guy, but, I do struggle to be helpful for him. It’s mostly because there’s nothing that I can do to help him. He wants to play WOW all day ad then have a girlfriend. He doesn’t realize how selfish he is, and that sabotages a lot in his life. He pretends to believe that he’s a very different person than he is, and he is then shocked when he doesn’t do what he feels that he should. He has two contradictory impulses, and because he can’t admit to having one, and he has no real desire to do the other, he does nothing. I told him as much. There’s no shame in being selfish, or shallow, or petty, or anything like that as long as you know you are, you’re okay with it, and you’re pursuing happiness in tune with that basic reality. But he wants a reality removed from who he is, without changing who he is. That’s where there’s the problem. Anyway, that took hours. Then, I went home.

On the way home, I saw a spider hide behind the pipe near my door. So, I went out and gassed it. Then I found/gassed a bigger one. This prompted a lot of thinking and self reflection, and I wrote a big Facebook post about it.

Tomorrow is my student Tracy’s interview at Quicken Loans, which is really exciting. I hope that she gets it. I hope it so much.

Today, my back hurts. A lot. I’m debating whether or not to do a pool walk. I hurt quite a bit today, having pushed myself too hard for several days in a row. At the same time, I haven’t done much today and I haven’t water walked in nearly two weeks. Perhaps more importantly, if I go home right away, right now, I’ll just do nothing, which is bad. I am tempted to play Civ, especially as I am currently alone in the teacher’s office (the odd teacher will occasionally enter), but I’ve learned that I just can’t do that. It was hard enough to convince myself to turn off the Wi-Fi even now. (Though, in honest, Matthew just messaged me, and I’m responding, as it is relevant and was also about a question I’d asked.)

It’s a warm day, and I wish that I could go home and open up the windows, but that’s really not a good idea. The spiders and all that.

Tonight, I have no real plans. I just bought several weird tale style books and they’re being shipped. I’ll have them within the next few days. I really do prefer real books, and I’ve enjoyed reading. I have several more books that I think that I’d like to read, and I have them at home, but they’re not quite what I want right at this moment.

It’s nearly the end of the day, and I did about as little today as I reasonably could have hoped to have done. One special class, which was fun, and then 4th hour with 3-2. Lunch with them was also pretty bad. I’m not enjoying Miyachu as much this year as I had hoped. The 3rd years aren’t seeming any better, the 2nd years are seeming a little worse (than they were last year) and the 1st years are following suit. In the meantime, I love the elementary schools even more. Given the option, I’d just go and teach there.

I need to improve my Japanese, but the list of things that I need to improve is pretty impressive. It seems that focusing on physical rehabilitation is the best answer as it will help me to go out and socialize. I explained something to Sam last night that I had never expressed to myself so explicitly, but, which makes sense. Currently, whether sexually or in terms of friendship, I’m only going to attract people as appealing as I am. And I’m not appealing. And, frankly, I don’t want to be around my equals. I’d like to be around people that are better than I was at my peak. The way there is, sadly, through the pool and the gym.

I feel pretty okay. Sleepy and lazy, but pretty okay. It’s not the crushing kind. I haven’t been getting enough sleep. Part of it is my back and part of it is just laziness. As in, lacking the dedication and will to just . . . suck it up and go to bed.

I had hoped that today would be more creative and productive, and, while it didn’t end up being so, it wasn’t that bad. I wrote a respectably long, if dull, diary entry. I talked to Courtney and had an amazing time, and I had a few other minor conversationlettes with some other people, all of which I enjoyed. Now, it’s just running down the clock until 4:30. To be honest, I actually have some writing ideas around in my head, and actually feel a bit like writing, but, I think that the moment has passed. Maybe for real writers, or people who are simply good, dedication is what matters, but I feel like I’ve got to undo a lot of mental blocks first. Same way with my singing: I sing better when I’m not in a lesson. It’s weird.

On another note, an ALT in Shibushi died. I don’t know the circumstances. I suppose that it ought to bother me, but, I really only ever interacted with him for a few minutes ever, and I don’t really remember anything about it. I suppose that this should bother me, but, it doesn’t very much. In a few days, I don’t know if I’ll remember him. Yet, I cling to memories of the still living. I don’t understand. I don’t understand life or death or memories.