Another week down. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a pretty decent week for money. I’m actually content with what I’ve made. I got some groceries last night, along with some toilet paper and laundry detergent for me and the baby. I found a website for cheap stuff called jet.com and I’m going to order some stuff on that so I’m stocked up for maternity leave. I’m going to get some freezer bowls, laundry detergent and some other things. I was going to order everything but I don’t want to get my credit card from the car to do it because it’s rainy and cold but will later.

Things have changed with BD and his Mom. They bought the car seat I wanted for the baby and he sent pictures. He claimed they have bought a crib and some other things but won’t send pictures. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking for the past couple of days and really would like to talk to both of them and see what we can do to move forward. I’m honestly just so tired of the drama and would like to see about getting into a good place for the baby.

I remain fortunate that he hasn’t just completely stepped off the scene like most deadbeat Dad’s do. Even when he moved away, he had still given me his address and he’s remained in contact with my friend. He’s stopped denying that he’s the Father and does want to be involved. I know that he’s done and said a lot of fucked up shit but it does sound like he’s trying really hard and I would really like to not be a single Mom if he’s willing to change and wants to start making a better situation for her.

His Mom messaged my friend the other day saying some shit about how if she’s so worried about everything she can take care of my baby and she’s had 7 women claiming pregnancy and all this shit. Even saying how my child isn’t important to them right now and I was beyond furious. I’m seriously sick of being made out to be a fucking liar and again, I can prove I’m pregnant but until the baby is born, I can’t prove he helped make her. He was messaging my friend late Friday night and I got upset because she was literally just egging him on until he finally called her a stupid bitch and then she reminded him of how I’m not going to lift the RO and it really upsets me because it’s not her place to make this more difficult than it’s already been.

I’m definitely concerned about things because I do feel that at this point my friend is way too emotionally involved and every time he makes her mad, she says whatever she can to upset him. She draws the RO like a gun and I want to strangle her every time she does that. I just don’t want him to either give up and say fuck it or end up fighting me for custody, all because what my friend has said to him. We can make this a very decent situation where everyone is happy and gets visitation so we can co-parent like normal, sane people.

My issue is daycare honestly. I see so many single Mom’s on Facebook struggling to find/pay for daycare and I don’t want to end up that way. If he’s willing to clean up his act and his Mom changes her attitude, I wouldn’t mind them helping me. I’ve even told my friend that I don’t want to be a single Mom if I can help it. I know that my own family isn’t going to be there/help with my child so if him and his Mom are, that would be a really big help. I know that he definitely wants to be together and everything but that’s not going to happen for quite some time. My main focus is him being a Dad first and being someone I can rely on. I’d rather leave her with family than in a daycare and also, have one less expense because daycare is expensive. The cheapest I’ve found is $100 a week which isn’t too bad but it would be a shit thing to have to pay along with my other bills, diapers, and unexpected expenses.

It’s been almost a month since I’ve changed my number and my Mom still hasn’t made an attempt to come by my house or anything. I don’t plan to contact them when I go into labor because they haven’t been involved this whole time and my family hasn’t said anything useful or positive the whole time I’ve been pregnant. They’ve said really hurtful things to me instead of being supportive and that shit has stayed with me. I can honestly say that my life has gotten a lot easier since I’ve completely crossed all of them off and I know I don’t need them. I have a couple of people lined up to take me to the hospital and I’ll be just fine.

I mentioned my maternity leave plans to the GM a few days ago but he kept getting distracted and didn’t say much but I at least let him know that I plan to quit working the first week of July, maybe the second and I plan to return mid September. I want a couple of weeks to myself before she comes because not only do I not want to worry about going into labor at work but I need to finish cleaning up my house, making sure everything is done, making some meals to freeze and be able to go swimming/walking. I definitely want some time for myself before she comes so that I can have some time to adjust to being a Mom.

My hips/pelvis have been super sore this week. It’s hard to walk after I’ve sat/laid down for awhile and I’ve been massively tired for the past few days where I’ll sleep all night, be up for a couple of hours and then I take a 2 hour nap before going to work. I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve entered my 3rd trimester or because it’s been rainy/cold all week but I’m definitely sick of being tired all the fucking time. It’s just part of my personality now. I used to think I knew the true definition of tired but once I got pregnant, it’s evident that it can be much, much worse. Growing a tiny human is exhausting.

I have a little more than 2 months left. It seems like I still have forever but I look back at the past few months and it’s actually gone pretty damn fast. I think I’m going to be super happy when I have her to not have physical limitations anymore and get back to my old self again. I’m still thinking about finding someone to come home with us from the hospital for the first couple of days to help me with her so that I can just nap and start healing.

I have ultrasounds once a week now, next one is on Tuesday. I’m going to ask my friend to come with me again. It was really fun last week when she came and I really like when people come. I haven’t seen much of her this week, except for Tuesday or Wednesday night her and her daughter came with me to Walmart because I needed to get a couple of things. She text me some last night but I didn’t respond much because it was after I’d eaten and was about to go to bed.

Anyways, I’m really hopeful for things to get better with BD because I’m tired of being completely on my own and stressed about him or his involvement. I know that they’re upset about the RO but I had to do something about his crazy. NO ONE is going to make me feel that I fucked up by getting one. He also struggles with taking any blame for things and it is still an issue. I’m just really hopeful things are going to get better because I would like him to be there for her birth.