Bored as shit. in Since OD is shutting down....

So the last 2 days I’ve had to work I’ve slept a lot before I had to be there but now that it’s my day off, I struggled to take a nap. It’s really frustrating because I haven’t had anything to do today and I would rather have slept than just sit here awake, lonely and bored. I decided to take out trash and vacuum but I’ve been bored as shit for hours now. I had a friend come over for awhile last night and was kinda hoping she’d come over today but it doesn’t seem like she’s interested.

My favorite co-worker told me yesterday he has an interview tomorrow. It really got me to thinking that if he leaves than I really should too. I’m really fucking sick of my job and just don’t even want to go back after maternity leave. I remember how sad I was when I wasn’t there for a month but I do feel that I’m burnt out enough to find something else. I just don’t want to do this same job for too much longer. It’s gotten really boring and mind-numbing. I’ve just been there for too long doing the same shit and what’s worse is never taking a break because I’m always too worried about coming up short on bills.

I have my appointment with a lawyer tomorrow morning. I’m definitely ready to get there and get my questions answered and figure out what exactly my rights are and what BD’s rights are as well. I just want to go about everything the right way and do what’s fair to my kid. I’m very angry that he’s put me in this position to not only be pregnant and on my own but have to get a RO against him and then have to worry about paternity/custody issues. I just wish I knew what exactly his intentions plan on being because that would make this a lot easier.

After everything he’s said and done, I don’t think that reality is going to hit him until he’s to pay CS. I don’t think he has any real intention in helping raise her and I think just wants to be able to have a revolving door so that he’s around when it suits him and then when he wants his freedom, I’m left with her by myself so my only job in life is going to be working and raising my child. I fully understand why single Mom’s are fucking crazy. Men have no idea what they leave us with and most of them don’t give a flying fuck. My friend that came over last night is a single Mom and her kid’s Dad is just as bad and will not help her whatsoever. I know that I’m going to end up in the exact same boat as all the single Mom’s I’ve talked to and it makes me really scared and angry.

Ugh, my days off are way worse than being at work. I hate being alone in my head all day. Being bored leads to being lonely and lonely leads to feeling super depresses. It’s just really sad that I don’t have anyone to hang out with and everyone always has something to do or someone to hang out with but yet, here I sit by myself. Fuck.

It was super hot the last couple of days and I really can’t tolerate the heat well. I’m really worried how the next few weeks are going to go before I take off for maternity leave. I was going to talk to my boss yesterday about my plans but someone had to piss him off so it’s going to have to wait. All I know is if I do go back after maternity leave, I plan to only work 4 days a week until I find something else. I don’t want to take too much time from my child and I want to allow myself enough time to be applying for other jobs.

Not sure what I’m going to do all night. Probably just sit and watch TV and go to bed early. My friend will probably call in the morning and then I’ll have my appointment right after. I will more than likely just come home and sit here all day with nothing to do. Ugh, the boredom is driving my crazy!!!

Physically my back hurts a lot more nowadays and my pelvis feels sore a lot. I don’t have swelling in my feet which is good. I’m still really glad I only work like 5 hours a night because I’m pretty tired by the time I leave there.

I plan to stock up on laundry/dish soap, toilet paper and random odds and ends for maternity leave. The more stuff I get now, the less money I’m going to have to spend later and then my money will last longer. All I need now for the baby is pack and play sheets and a car seat.

Anyways, I’m going to find something on TV now and hope I don’t lose my mind before it’s time for bed.