Mike Vs. A Facebook Survey in life stuff and misc.

Your SENIOR year of high school! (oh God) The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!!! (no, that’s the opposite of what you said) Let’s have FUN! (ugh. I will make this the opposite of fun through honesty.)

1. The year? 1997. I am so old, ultrasounds just find dust and shame inside me.

2. Did you go to prom? Nope. My grandfather died the day of my junior prom and it sucked any fun outta the idea of the next one.

3. What kind of car did you drive? I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was twenty-two. I lived on campus at college all four years so I was able to avoid learning to do a scary thing for extra time. Piloting a multi-ton missile at 70 miles an hour took some getting used to. I was not prepared for life and am still not.

4. It’s Friday Night Football were you there? Friday nights were for mooning over fiercely brainy brunettes while burning incense, listening to Smashing Pumpkins and watching indie films on a very small television, sir.

5. What kind of job did you have? I didn’t work a paid job until after college, the idea being I should focus on learning. I was as sheltered and spoilt as you can be while your family is working class in a dying mill town. I was not prepared for life and I am still not.

6. Were you a party animal? Jesus Christ, I didn’t drink a beer until my sophomore year of college, fearing it would be the trigger that set off the mental illness that runs in parts of my family.

7. Were you considered a jock? I was bigger than the jocks which is the only reason my ass wasn’t kicked on a daily fucking basis.

8. Were you in the Band? My inability to pick up an instrument haunts me to this day.

9. Were you a nerd? Of course. I wasn’t a loner nerd, I had friends, I was a leading nerd but of course I was a nerd. What kind of question is that? I was an editor of the school newspaper and was also in drama just my senior year. Do the math.

10. Do you still live in the same school district? I don’t STILL live in the same school district, I live in the school district AGAIN. I’ve taken two shots at flying on wax wings, Mr. Facebook.

11. Can you sing the school song? I couldn’t at the time, I sure couldn’t now. Look, I sang “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” underneath my back when everyone else was swearing alligence to diddlers at Catholic Confirmation, my passive-aggressive silent-protest circuits would not allow it.

12. What was your school mascot? A gun-toting be-bibjeaned hillbilly with a jug of fucking moonshine. Swear to gods.

13. If you could go back and do it again, would you? How much it sucked to experience outweighs the crushing number of obvious regrets so NOPE.

14. Are you still in contact with people from high school? I am on facebook. Of course I am in casual contact with everyone from high school who isn’t dead, in jail, or off the grid making moonshine in the Adirondacks while be-bibjeaned and armed. That is the whole Thing of facebook, Mr. Facebook.

15. Do you know where your high school sweetheart is now? The only girl I dated in high school was from a chatroom and she lived in New Jersey. It went as well as could be expected, of course, but back in 1997 we didn’t know how fucked up the internet was going to be, we just hooked our dinosaur-driven power generator up to the 28.8 modem and learned how it was going to be. The two girls I had the deepest crushes that I could never admit to in high school because I was an idiot and a coward and an idiot coward, tho, sure. I have facebook, Everyone knows where everyone they have ever met is at all times whether they like it or not, this is facebook, Mr. Facebook, you invented that state of being, why are you playing dumb?

16. What was your favorite subject? Creative writing. Duh. Of course. You just got to make shit up and you didn’t even have to hide that you were making shit up, it was the whole point, which was refreshingly honest.

17. Do you still have your High School ring? I mean, somewhere? You gotta stash humiliating things in places where you’d stumble over them occasionally to keep yourself humble.

18. Do you still have your yearbook? Yes. I mean, somewhere? You gotta stash humiliating things in places where you’d stumble over them occasionally to keep yourself humble.