Arrival in 2017

Last night my aunt took the kids for a sleep over. She sent Husband and I to the spa for a massage (him) and facial (me). So generous and kind of her. My last time in that very spa was when I was still pregnant and oblivious to the future. My massage therapist was incredible. I recall raving about her and commenting on returning post partum to work out my kinks from labor.

Not thinking I was emotionally ready for a massage, a facial sounded better. And really, it was…but the thing about Baby is that she seems to squeeze her way into every portion of my day. Everything is a reminder or gives a reminder of our vanished dreams.

Someday that might feel more manageable.

But the spa services really were nice.

Back home we decided on a movie. I do well with things that don’t evoke too much emotion. Im a few weeks behind on both Greys Anatomy and This is Us, because Im not sure I could handle the feels. I’m talked into the movie Arrival with Amy Adams. At appearance it seems to be a sci-fi thriller type movie. Aliens land on earth but what do we do/why are they there. Oh hey, Amy Adams is a decorated linguist and is brought in to communicate with the aliens.

SPOILER: Nobody tells you there is a dead child mentioned in the movie. A daughter who died of cancer. A storyline that really weaves into the main plot. Now the assumed sci-fi becomes about my dead daughter.

” would you do the same thing all over again, knowing the outcome?”

I know what Im supposed to say. And I know I’ll eventually get to the point of believing wholeheartedly that I would take the anguish for the time I get with her, and for how she changes me as a person. But right now its too soon. Its raw and I still get angry. Grasping for straws and somewhere to point blame. Any reason. Darn you silly sci-fi movie for bringing the unexpected feels.

Last updated April 12, 2017