Who Am I in 2017

Good question. Identity is complex. We go through the process of creating ourselves in adolescence. Personalities emerge. Strengths. Weaknesses. Much of this is innate, but we have choices in what we display for others. Our circumstances mold us.

For over 6 years now, my identity has been “mom”. A role I took on happily. I love having small people to care for. My daughter, “Bear”, is 6 and in kindergarten. And my son, “Turkey”, is two.

They are supposed to have a little sister.

She was due to be born on January 21st of this year.

She was born still on the morning of January 22nd.

Our baby is dead.

These are the words the grief specialists in the hospital recommended we use these terms with our living children. Baby wasn’t ‘born sleeping’. She is not coming back. She is dead.

And now we are here. Eleven days empty. Trying to navigate life without Baby.

Last updated April 12, 2017