Weathered in 2017

Becoming an adult is hard. I think the easy explanation of maturation is that there is a point in life at which a switch flips in your brain, you see the world differently, and voila! You are an adult. For me, maturation was like this: My whole life I had a fantastic understanding of the basic color wheel. Purple was always my favorite color, because pink was too girly, and purple was equally feminine yet mysterious. But when I got a bit older, green became my favorite color because it just was. And then I got older still and realized that there are a million shades of green, and as it were the color green pretty much sucked. I was much more into “sage” and “olive”. Similarly, I hated blue, but loved teal, which depending on your perception could still be green. And now at this point in my life, as much as I love green, I much prefer a dark purple… or better put, because life is complicated, “amethyst”.

Everything comes full circle, and its exhausting. Its exhausting that everything I thought I knew, I didn’t really. And everything that was suddenly wasn’t. And yet, all of that is still very much present and alive, like a glob of play dough or sheet of origami paper that has taken on another form. What was is no longer, and yet, still is.

I guess I over think. I over analyze. I contemplate and dissect every single thing about every single thing, not because I’m looking to make sense out of life but because I just do. Sometimes it interests me, and sometimes it haunts me. And I’m envious of people who can just let things be what they are. Just accept what is and leave it at that. I can’t just accept anything. I need to know who did it, why they did it, when it happened, what other people think about it, the cause and effect due to the situation, and then how I feel about it. And the confusion of it all is exhausting.