Review in Normal entries

In a rare fit of pique amazon sent me a testy letter about all the reviews I hadn’t written yet and how some of their vendors livelihood depends on the reviews. Ok, I’m overstating their pique but they overstated the value of their reviews first. Here’s the thing about asking me to write more than, say, two reviews; I get a little froggy, especially when it comes to grocery type items.

Agave in the raw was maybe my fifth review and I wrote an essay on it beginning with my palette not being discerning enough to tell one agave syrup from the other and ending a fictitious dialogue between myself and a green grocer including the necessity to put on clothes, drive, choose my agave from a rack and having to be social. The whole ordeal of getting dressed was demonstrative of the convenience of ordering from amazon and the dialogue was just silly discrepancy of awareness shit demonstrative of how awry things may go when I start off resenting having to get dressed.

If I were bitching and coming to a practical point it would be; the more reviews I write in a row the less useful they are to other consumers. However, they become increasingly more amusing to me, and ultimately, even the most altruistic of us, prefer to amuse ourselves when all other options are exhausted. I don’t feel guilty for not providing a sound basis to choose or reject In The Raw brand agave over any other, nor do I feel obliged to turn honey users into agave users. If, for instance, you want a piece of toast with almond butter and agave, the only downside to honey is you have to spread more carefully or you will tear the bread. One could say the downside to agave is it’s not viscous enough and winds up leaking onto the plate or paper napkin or making your paws sticky.

Perhaps on some wet, cold night with nothing better to do the difference might make a good debate if you have die hard honey lovers and righteous agave fans. I doubt that in such a debate anyone would turn to amazon reviews to settle the debate once and for all.

I also gave five stars to a product I called useless and irrelevant stating that if it were relevant and useful it’d be a fine product and it does in fact do exactly what it claims, just in a more complicated and time consuming way than doing it by hand and winds up, if you’re lucky, almost as good as by hand. I had read the youtube reviews on the video that demonstrated how to use it, the video created by the manufactory. They even listed what could go wrong. I almost paraphrased one of the stand out comments — You got be one lazy-butt, mommyjumping African American to not do this by hand. I’ve yet to have a review censored; I’m sure that would have done it.