My Days - The Good, The Bad, The Spiritual and Physical in Days of My Destiny

Today is M's last day of school holidays. Since returning from our big three weeks away (which took up the first half of her holidays), I haven't really made a huge effort in terms of creating awesome memories for her for this lot of holidays. I've sort of done my own thing and it's been okay, because her and L have spent time together and so on. But today I wanted to make an effort. Last night I sat down and wrote a list of things we could do together today. I can tell she's really appreciated it. I made pancakes for breakfast, as per her request. Then I let them watch a movie (which I actually sat down with them for, something I don't do often). We baked quiche. I read them stories. I oeganized a lolly hunt, where they had to find TEN lollies each, around the house, lol. At one point throughout the day, M gave me a note:

To mum thank you for the lovely game's we can play today Love M xoxo

(The Love M is written in bubble writing. Cuteness!)

This note shows that she REALLY appreciates that I've gone out of my way to make her last day of school holidays special. It is SO nice to be thanked. Especially in note form :) :) :)

I can't believe my girl is going into the Big Year One this year :) So wonderful, to see her growing and learning and enjoying learning and being challenged. She's really excited about going into Year One, too. It's funny, to ME, her official schooling started last year - after all, she was going to school five days a week, there were lunches to pack, there were library days and show and tell days, there was homework and detention (which she got a few of!!! Lol) and so on. And people have been asking her about going to BIG SCHOOL, as if she hasn't been. It's weird. It's like, it was called KINDY, and it's the SAME as what Queensland children do, except that up there it's called PREP. But it's the same. The only difference with going into actual Year One is that the workload will increase. And it hasn't been until just lately that I've thought, no biggie. It hasn't been until SHE has been excited by it that I have been excited by it, too. It's a great thing, to say she'll be in YEAR something, rather than X. And I'm glad SHE'S excited by it. I'm happy for her.

About ten days ago, I had mentioned pre-school to Little L, and M came over and was like, "What?!??! Is she going to pre-school this year??!?!?!" (Hilarious in itself, because we've been talking about it for months, lol.) And anyway, when I said yes, she got really excited and hugged L tightly and then they both played BEAUTIFULLY for the rest.of.that.day. It was amazing!!! And cute!! Lol. And then the next morning, M had made a little picture for L, it was one of L with two girls on either side of her. M wrote on the picture, arrows pointing at these girls and they were titled, "Friends." Lol. And there was a message, aswell, it read, Dear L, I hop you make new freind's at preskel. Love M xoxoxoxox

OH THE CUTENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhh!!!! My heart melts!!!!!!

Anyway......

I also sewed a big bag for L today, as requested. Ever since we've been here, he's been using big black plastic bags for his dirty uniforms (that get full of coal dust - he showers at work, otherwise he'd come home with a black face and body). He's never really had a problem with that, until recently when he saw some other guys using like a laundry bag for their dirty laundry. So he asked me to make him one on the weekend, and luckily we have some old curtain material hanging around the place (canvas-like stuff), so I used that :)

There has been some major de-cluttering around the house since we've been back, it's been SO good. Life feels easier somehow, slowly.

Had a very overwhelming parenthood moment the other day, and it seems L doesn't really have the patience to listen to any of it anymore, which made me feel quite lonely. He did apologise later for telling me he's sick of seeing me "grumpy and tense all the time" (but I don't see why he should apologise, it's a fair comment and I can understand where he's coming from too), and he apologised for telling me that I need help. I had to explain to him that quite frankly, it's one of many moments he simply does not see me actually have and that many many mothers out there face this too. I explained to him that Mothering isn't my PASSION. As ugly as that sounds... it's true. Of course I have learned to ENJOY parenthood and I know that within all of my feelings, I AM a good mother. But I didn't become a parent because I was consciously ready or planning to become one....... you know? So for women like me, parenthood really is a whole other experience than to that of women who have planned or tried to have children for a long time. It's not any LESS of an experience, and we are not any LESS good mothers for feeling the way we do. I told him that I know a few mothers who have tried to kill their babies and have ended up having to go to away for a while before becoming better. I told him that a 5-hour break after 3 months of no break really is not enough, and that sometimes I think that I really could do with going away for three nights, or two nights, but guess what, I don't, because I would miss my children too much!

You know?

What really hurt was when I told him that he gets a weekend away from his job, and he comes home - TO MY JOB. I don't get a weekend. And then he rolled his eyes and said, "Nup, babe, that's just sounding like an excuse now." I couldn't believe that MY MAN - helpful, caring, loving, selfless man - actually said those words!!! I ended up telling him he's clueless and he said I need to give him more credit. But I wasn't referring to his help around the house, I was referring to how clueless he is when it comes to being ME. He has NO IDEA what it's like to be ME, mothering day in and day out for 6 years and not having a break, he has no idea what it's like to be in THESE shoes, in MY head. He understood then. Anyway it was the biggest blue we've had in years, so that's pretty good, lol.

Next week L starts pre-school. She is really excited about this and can't wait. I've got a book I bought for M when SHE was about to start school and it's called, "Molly Is New." It's a simple book that explains the story of Molly, who's off to school. She has new shoes, a new bag. The school is big and so is the teacher. Molly draws, pours, listens and other stuff (can't remember now, lol). Then it's lunchtime. Molly plays and falls and hurts her knee. The teacher makes it better. The teacher is nice. But mum is nicest! Anyway, when we got to the first page that mentions the teacher, L looked at me really excitedly and said, "AM I GOING TO HAVE A TEACHER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" I'm like, yes, you sure are! And she SQUEALED with glee and hugged me so so tight, lolololololololol. She's just so cute!

So my weeks will be different this year. There'll be no swimming in the next town until the pool in THIS town closes for the winter. I'm looking forward to the easiness of the routine regarding this. I'd told the pre-school that L will go on Tuesdays (I've put her name down for Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and will add that second day later on in the year if needed). But I thought about it and realised that I need to call them back and ask if it's okay if she goes on the Wednesday, because it will mean one less trip into town each week for me.

If she goes on Tuesday, it'll be like:

Monday night - I play OzTag

Tuesday - drop off girls at school then pick them up again.

Wednesday - pick up girls from school, go to swimming lesson across the road.

Thursday - I do Battle PT in the next town

Friday - no particular plans

Whereas if L goes to pre-school on the Wednesday, then I would save fuel and time, because Tuesday I won't have to drop her off. I could just drop her off on Wednesday, then pick her and M up in the afternoon and bang, cross the road for swimming lessons! So I will do that.

Monday - I play OzTag

Tuesday - no particular plan

Wednesday - drop girls off at school, then pick them up again, do swimming.

Thursday - I do Battle PT in the next town

Friday - no particular plan.

See? :)

I've also volunteered to be put on some kind of roster at church this year. Which means occasionally I'll be doing the prayers or the bible reading. I've already done the prayers once this year and this coming weekend I'll be doing the bible reading. I volunteered a long time ago and while I was happy to be put on the roster, I kind of came back from our three week holiday completely unenthused about church altogether. I think I just enjoyed being carefree and not doing the whole CHURCH THING. But hey, I'm on the roster now, so I'll do it. (The other reason why I'm half-hearted about this now too is that, when I volunteered, I wanted to do it for GOD. Yet it seems every time I have read anything up the front, I get lauded with praise by the oldies for AGES afterwards. Telling me I have the voice of an angel, telling me that I sound like the Queen when she was young (!!!!), telling me I have a job for life, and so on. It's like, I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR YOU! I'M NOT DOING THIS TO BE PRASIED!!!!! You know, it just kind of dulls the whole experience for me, so it's put me off a little.) L and I had a chat about this, and we both want a bit more of a casual approach to church this year. Rather than go every single week like we did for the last few months of last year, we'd like to skip a few weeks here and there and just BE FAMILY for a weekend. Go camping. Stay home. Chill. Whatever, you know? And honestly if it weren't for our children, we probably would just not go at all this year, lol. But the kids are a bit older and they enjoy it, and really I'm glad they do. Whether it's for their friends or for the food more than for God himself, at this point I'm not worried. At the end of the day, I know that when they're older, they'll have positive memories of going to church and I know that they ARE learning about God in some way, which will ALWAYS be a bonus.

So OzTag is like touch football, but everyone wears tags on their shorts, and so instead of tapping someone on the shoulder to get them, you have to pull the tag off their shorts. Which adds a bit of a challenge, because it's harder to do that while running than it is to tap them on the shoulder. I am doing this, not because I have a passion for touch football or anything (I've never enjoyed the game, lol) but for fitness reasons, and to try something new. I figure, why not? It will be new, it will be fun, and it will be a fun way to get to know some more locals (especially in the younger age ranges). It will be good to learn something new and it will be fun to get fit in a social way. I played once last year (they didn't have the tags that day so we just played touch football, lol) and I actually had fun. I enjoyed the running and I enjoyed the challenge. Mind you, we only used half the field. When I was told at the very end that normally they use the whole field, I freaked out on the inside, lol. That thing is HUGE!!! Lol.

I've also purchased a DVD on ebay, on learning to tapdance. WOOHOO!!!! My plan had originally been to just watch videos on youtube, but honestly, with the internet speed out here..... no way. I know I'll have to watch and re-watch videos and I just don't want to use up the data on that PLUS be frustrated because sometimes it won't load. You know? So, DVD it is! Apparently it's on its way to me from the UK already. I can't wait to start learning :) Did you know that learning to tap dance s something I have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to do??? Since I was a little girl?!?!? So there you go :)