Motivated to Write in Exiled to prosebox...

I don't know... but all of a sudden I am like buzzing with entry ideas. I guess with OD going down... It's like I could always come write and never did.

Now I have this new space to fill up, to enter my words on this system... I feel... motivated to write.

Lets see.

I am feeling fat these days. I have gained back a chunk of the weight I have lost. Recently started going hard at trying to loose the weight... But it's a struggle. I hate it.

I guess because I am getting older... Im starting to be more self aware. I really do, at times, feel invisible in the gay community. I'm not skinny, I'm not cute enough, I don't have any muscles, I have a pretty shitty paying job, and my fashion sense is blue jeans and a t-shirt. Sometimes, I go out to bars or events... and no one talks to me.

I don't know if it is because I look socially awkward? I don't know. I used to be able to go up to strangers and introduce myself... but now, I just don't. I would rather sit at a table and chill.

The problem is... all my friends are having babies and getting married. I just... feel... alone. And since this is one of my first entries on here, I guess I can revisit the fact that I am 32, never been in a serious relationship, and never been in love.

meh. who needs it?

lol... So I need to focus on the gym. Focus on my diet. Get back into a size 32. Confidence is an issue, and I need some! :)

Night! JF