Missing and Old Friend in Current Events

Yesterday I really missed an old friend. He lost his battle with alcoholism a few years ago. It is a long story for another time but he was like an older brother to me. He was so smart and wise. Always made everything crystal clear for me. Cut and dry. I wish he was here so we could talk. These feelings for Zach aren’t going away. I have been so hard on myself. I’m starting to hate that I’m gay again. I know that I’m so much better than this. I’m way out Zachs league and my late friend would tell me that and I would believe him just because he said it. I could hear him now saying “You’re attached to the fantasy that you built up around him. It isn’t real. Let it go.” Then he would top up my drink and I wouldn’t even have another thought about it.