Third Times a Charm in Current Events

Lately I have been kind of speechless. I’ll be honest that it was that altercation between Zach and I that had me triggered. The one from Valentines day. I didn’t realize how much I cared about him and until recently and I didn’t realize how much he cared about me. “I’m confused about my life. I’m confused about my sexuality. My man crush on you kept me up until 3 in the morning wondering why you blocked my on Snapchat.” he said to me the other day randomly. It is hard to tell when he is joking but he keeps starring at me like he is trying to figure out what is on my mind when I’m quiet. Yesterday he was trying to get me jealous. He kept talking about how attractive everyone else was that we work with. It worked. I spent the whole day feeling like my heart was breaking. I got home and started painting again. It had been months since I started a project. I felt so much better after even though the piece is far from completed. Awkwardly enough it looks like him by accident.

Today he was weird. He was counting down to when we worked alone together. I was the cute boy with the great ass he wanted to talk about this time. In my mind he is just joking. I am trying not to have a Roarke situation but I can’t shake the feeling that he and I will be boning down on the DL and trying to understand our feelings for one another. Every angle of this leads to disaster. I didn’t mention the part where I am his boss and the other part where he is 21. I mentioned to him that I might go to the casino tonight and he is making it a point to be there and wants me to hang out with him. I think we’re on on our way to becoming addicted to each other.