The Play in Out in the Open

When I started this play I was absolutely thrilled in all ways for so many reasons. I was nervous because I went out of my comfort zone and sang in front of a room full of strangers. I hadn’t really sung in front of anyone in over 20 years. I also had to dance in front of strangers. With not even one dance lesson I was so scared, but when I got on that stage and danced with all the others I couldn’t help but feel happy.
When I got offered a part I was so excited. However, I was never more excited than I was when I found out my daughter would be in the same play. I rushed to tell my family.
It wasn’t until the second day of rehearsal that I finally felt like the play was more than a play. It started taking on its own identity. Whenever speaking of it I simply called it “The Play” and all of my closest friends and relatives knew exactly what I was talking about. I remember singing that second day with everyone. They were all so good with their strong theatrical voices. I sat there with my small hardly noticeable voice trying to keep up with the professionals. I hadn’t sight-read music in over 20 years. I thanked the Lord every day that I was a first soprano that normally only had to worry about melody.
Every night before practice I would drop my daughter off at my parents’ house and go off to practice for The Play. When I came back I would pick up my daughter, kiss my dad who waited up good night, and hug my mother goodbye after a quick bit of talking.
That went on for 3 and a half weeks. I didn’t realize at first how profoundly important those moments would prove to be.
Right smack in the middle of The Play my world ended. I came to pick up my daughter from my parent’s home but my father wasn’t waiting up. He hadn’t felt well and went to bed. I didn’t get to kiss him goodnight that night, or ever again. He passed away that night with no warning.
At first I was so mad at The Play. It took up so much of my time when I could have been with him instead. It was so demanding of my time. Even the day he died I was to go there and practice. I thought about skipping. However, I didn’t. During the rehearsal the director told me if I needed to leave I could. I simply told her, “I don’t know where I am supposed to be.” As fate would have it, the day my father went to Heaven The Play was rehearsing the song, “One More Angel in Heaven.” I was numb that night and hardly remember much of the practice. The next day I took off from The Play. The Play tickets were just bought the week before for my family. Except now one chair would be empty.
I continued to be angry with The Play. I stopped singing its songs. I stopped dancing its dances. The Play was harassing me by telling me to keep being there to practice, instead of with my grieving family. The Play kept playing its happy songs and it kept showing off its vibrant colors. Could it not see that my world was gray now? My world was lacking colors, yet here is The Play showing off all of its amazing technicolor.
It wasn’t until the day of my father’s viewing that life started making sense again. My world looked colorless and empty. I cried so many tears that my hands dried out so bad that they cracked and bled. The day of the viewing as I looked around the funeral parlor sometimes caught my eye. There was a beautiful arrangement of flowers that was signed, “The Cast of Joseph.” The flowers were huge and full of so many colors. The sight of them brought tears and for once color began to fill my world again. Maybe perhaps this play wasn’t so bad after all. Perhaps there was more to The Play than I was giving it credit for.
The Play gave me something that I would have never got. When I dropped off my daughter I got to see my dad one last time. If it weren’t for The Play I may have not seen him for days or weeks. The Play also gave me something to focus on, besides the sadness and hopelessness I was feeling. How could I be mad at The Play any longer? The Play wasn’t a bad thing. It was exactly what I needed.
On March 5th I will perform my last show. I will perform in my dad’s honor. I know he will be watching. I’m giving him a backstage pass too. If you come to The Play you may even spot a moment where I point up to him and let him know that I know he’s there.

Last updated March 02, 2017