Not Going to Do It in meh...

I felt my loneliness yesterday.

I did what I always do. Look at my life and where it is and where I stand with myself, inside of myself. I picked me apart and looked at me again. Then I said to myself, “I can’t present this me to someone and ask them to love me as I am.”
There is room for improvement in everyone but I just feel like I’m a mess. Again.

I thought I was hurt about my revelations this weekend, but I can’t be hurt if I didn’t really care, but if I’m hurt does that mean I care? It was a fleeting fancy that made me look at my status and made me look at how old I am and the things I consider problems I’m facing. A thing that made me think about if I meet someone, where would we meet, how would we get together, at which point do I say, “I don’t have a car and I care for my grandson even though I know his mother will never get it together and I may have to buy a larger house at some point to accommodate his little brother in a few years.” (I don’t really want this, but I put every angle into account.)

I’m not going to pity party myself.
I probably will, but my goal is to not do that.

::sighs heavily::

Kindest regards,
Sister