The new normal in Torridaussity Two

That is what I woke to the day after grandpa died, and once again when my best friend’s father passed away 5 days later. My life continues to go on and it will still have highs and lows and I will be ok, but it is a new normal I have to learn to adjust to. My mom’s surgery went well and she has seen some relief from her constant pain, but it will be a long recovery, we are just thankful she is going to be better. She is staying at my grandfather’s house (her dad, that just passed) because there are no steps there for her. When I go to visit and help out I still say does grandpa have this or that…technically he doesn’t have anything anymore :-( I will adjust.
I held myself together through the two weeks of his death, the viewings, the funeral, my friend’s dad’s funeral, mom’s surgery and Tuesday night I was lying in bed reading when I felt this pain in my chest and I started to sob uncontrollably. It was two weeks to the day and actually after it happened I noticed almost exactly to the time when my mom called to tell me he had passed. I cried all throughout the next day as well and I think I finally have begun to really process everything that has been happening over the last few months. Only the people here know everything that has been bothering me, that I have been dealing with. I am slowly letting it out, but it’s going to take time. I went to church Sunday by myself and I sat in the back and almost cried because the toughest part of this is when I am alone. I sat there and thought what happens when my parents are gone I will be in this town all alone. That feeling of aloneness has been overwhelming lately. Crying alone at night with no one to talk to or to comfort me, that’s the hardest. AJ was there for me somewhat as much as one can be long distantly, Mikey was all but non-existent and that hurts. In case I don’t mention it enough those two are the 2 long term non-relationship international relationships of mine. In the coming year I think I need to make a lot of changes and some involving those two. I have stopped really using any dating apps I was tired of the rejection before I completely gave it up, a guy from tinder started messaging me and we talk, but just as friends. He is nice though and is real and not a perv so that’s about all I am up to. Oh yeah they approved temporary overtime for us at work so unwillingly yet also willingly I picked up 4 more hours for now. That will help the finances a bit, but not my mental health. So now I think that is it. Tomorrow is a new day and I will keep trudging along. Thanks for reading.