Counseling. in Since OD is shutting down....

i had my appointment a little bit ago and I want to write about the things my counselor said before I forget. He said that it’s possible Eric doesn’t know that he’s fucked up and it’s easier for him to hold onto hurt because letting it go means forgiving and that could lead to weakness. We talked about how it’s better for him to hold onto the hurt because it’s all he knows. I was asked if Eric is possibly bi-polar and I don’t know but I’m pretty sure he is.

Because Eric may not know he needs help, he may never get it unless it’s court ordered and that’s why I’m going to be really upset if the RO isn’t granted because he’s not getting served. He’s not going to get help unless it’s mandatory. I just worry about having to allow him visitation unless he gets on some meds and sees a counselor first. I don’t think even if he does all this it’ll fix him and I’m going to deal with his behavior for the rest of my life.

I get that Eric’s upbringing was probably really dysfunctional but I can’t let him bring that into our child’s life either. I didn’t have the perfect childhood but I know the difference between right and wrong and knowing you can’t talk to people however you want because you feel they’ve hurt you and you remain bitter about it. Once you reach adulthood, you have to start taking responsibility for your life and the way you treat others regardless of your upbringing. It’s like children that grow up with murderers in their family doesn’t mean they have to grow up and murder someone.

I’m going to try and nap. It’s cold as fuck again today and I’m freezing so I want to lay down and get warm. More later.