Abuse. in Since OD is shutting down....

So yesterday was yet another day of drama, insults, and abuse. Eric wouldn’t leave my friend alone and had yet more nasty things to say. He had sent her a message that read “she and that ugly little bastard can rot in hell they can fuck off eat shit and die” and then he blocked her so she couldn’t respond. I think she really struck a nerve when she told him I didn’t care for him and it made him mad that he couldn’t bully her and has nothing to say to hurt her because he doesn’t know her so he had to be as mean as he could. He knows that there’s no winning with her and finally blocked her.

I’m glad that she struck a nerve with him like she did and I’m hoping he just leaves her blocked and the drama ends. I’ve definitely gotten sick of this situation though because I’ve told her multiple times to block him but she’s a very argumentative person and has more than enough to throw at him. I’m glad that she’s such a good friend that she’s done so much to defend me and call him out on his bullshit but he’s too fucking crazy to comprehend it. He’s a very sick man and I honestly want him to just leave me and the situation alone.

I honestly don’t care what he has to say. He’s said more nasty things than anything else and I need for the shit to stop. He doesn’t understand that the shit doesn’t hurt anymore because it’s been months of this now. It seriously bounces right off me now and I can usually just laugh at it. It definitely hurts for him to say such ugly things about the baby, the baby that he helped bring into this world but I plan to print all this shit out and will use it for the courts.

It’s so hard to believe that this man (and I use that term loosely) could be so cold and heartless when he wanted this baby so bad but now I realize that it really is just going to be me and her. After all this, she’s as good as mine. He will NEVER be around her without a court order and he won’t have anyone to blame but himself. It’s fine if he wants to insult me and say racist things but say such hateful things towards his own child makes me more than glad I never saw a future with him and glad he’s so unstable that I don’t ever have to worry about him trying to take her from me.

It’s cold and snowing today. I’m not thrilled about having to work tonight at all. The good thing about the snow is we are about done with it though. I truly can’t wait for it to get warm and stay that way.

I need to find out how to print off all of these screenshots because I’m going to need them. I must get that done pretty soon. I still don’t know what’s going on with the RO stuff but I gotta have them either for that or if he ever tries to take me to court for visitation or custody.

So there’s this girl on Facebook that has a piece of shit baby Daddy and 2 kids with him. Apparently she lives with his parents, wrecked her vehicle and was crying around yesterday needing diapers. I offered her some but she wanted me to bring them to her in the next town because she didn’t have a ride. I was no because it’s enough I offered you free diapers, I don’t have the time or gas to waste to bring them to you. Then this morning bright and early she messaged me wanting me to watch her kids because she had court. I made up some excuse why I couldn’t but I don’t know her well and definitely don’t want to start free babysitting.

Until my child is born and people prove that things are going to be a 2 way street, I don’t plan to do shit for anyone. I have enough going on in my own life and just want to make sure things are fair to me as well. I’ve always been that person to run to everyone’s rescue but now that I’m pregnant and I don’t have ANYONE to run to, it really changes my perspective on helping other people unless I’m sure they would do the same for me.

Even at this point, I struggle with wanting to shut Eric out completely. I honestly hope he can turn this shit around and would want to make real effort to get along for the sake of our child but I don’t see that ever happening. I don’t want to keep him from her because I know how awful that feels to be kept from a child but he’s put me through more shit than any guy I’ve ever been with and I can’t have his negative, hateful attitude around me or my child. I understand now more than ever why women choose to keep their kids from their Dad’s. It’s not always out of spite or malice, but simply to protect themselves from further bullshit.

Sometimes I wish I would have never told him I was pregnant. I wish I would have just waited until the baby was born and have him served with court ordered paternity test. He’s inflicted more hurt and stress on me than I could have ever imagined and I’m truly sorry for ever meeting him. I wish I would have picked a better Dad for my child and hope someday I can find her someone truly amazing that deserves her. I asked my friend today if she thought maybe he’s just scared and doesn’t know how to communicate that the right way but she’s a firm believer that he just likes to argue and be mean.

I just can’t focus on him or his actions anymore. I’m too busy working, paying bills, and buying what I need to raise my daughter. I knew from the second I was pregnant I was on my own and I have been so far. I’m very proud of myself that I have almost everything I need for her and I’ve bought and paid for all of it myself. She will not go without because I won’t allow it. I still have some odds and ends of stuff I need to get and plan to get more clothes, diapers, and wipes but so far I have her entire room packed with stuff.

So I think I’m gonna try and take a little nap. More later.