310 (Bullet Pattern) in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

• Internet is, once again, on/off/on/off/on/off throughout the office. Hooray for government work (sarcasm). At least this gives me time to work on my Disconnected Dinosaur Run Best Score.

• I acknowledge that I am married; but IF I were dating… something I’d say with sincerity: All I want is a woman who, when she looks stunning and I say ‘bangarang’, understands that it is High Praise.

• Speaking of “the dating world” (I’m almost positive I would drown in failure were I still dating); a common complaint I’ve made is not only still going strong but becoming THE NORM. When asked what the ideal height of their partner would be; most women claim “between 5‘9 and 6‘2.” At 5‘7; this makes me sad.

• Related to the above; in one of those “Tinder/App Best Responses” lists I saw an exchange between a man and a woman where they were starting to connect and then the woman asked how tall the man was. He said six foot, and she said “Good.” The man turned it around on her and asked how much she weighed. The woman got offended and asked what her weight had to do with anything. The man responded “About as much as my height has to do with anything, I wager.”

• Last little thing about “dating”… I think I’m on a dating kick right now because (1) my parents’ Anniversary is coming up next Tuesday (their 40th or so); and (2) Wife and I forgot my Brother’s 12 year Wedding Anniversary and are just now getting a card for them. OOOokay, let me share some back story THERE and then come back to this original bullet point item. My brother was not around much for my dating life. He was in the military and away from home between Summer 1999 and Summer 2003. Which translated to my entire time in high school (thus the majority of my dating career). He never got to “enjoy” watching me struggle with T2, Serrah, Buffy, Aku, Trout… all of that happened without him knowing anything about it. He comes back from the military and instantly starts bugging me about dating. Because he knows me, so he knows I’m easily mis-perceived. At least back then. The real me was shy, a bit reserved, emotionally sensitive, romantic, virgin, etcetera. But people would see my outward persona and think I was gregarious, super free with myself, emotionally unstable, dirty/perverted, probably poly-sexual, etcetera. So, Brother would try his hardest to get me dating and, if we were walking on my campus together, he’d constantly point out girls and say, “Go talk to her!” In fact, for my first birthday after he got out of the Navy, my brother gave me the movie SWINGERS and said, “You’re Jon Favreau Fast forward a bit to 2004 Fall Term. I’m in agonizing pain and finally getting diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Brother continues to claim it can’t be Fibro because I’m not an old woman and because something like that is inherited genetically… and we don’t have anybody that was ever diagnosed. Forgetting, of course, that my symptoms are clearly found in my father and my father’s mother. I get a medication that begins to help (less pain, more emotional stability, more inner peacefulness) around the same time Brother gets married January 8, 2005. Shortly after that, I meet and start dating the woman that would become my wife. So, as I may have mentioned several times before, the only woman I’ve ever dated while sufficiently medicated was my Wife… just like the only woman I’ve ever had sex with (excluding oral/hand) was my Wife. (SO).... I do often find myself wondering what dating would be like. Would I still be truly awful at it? Would I be better? Would I be able to be charming or would I still come off strictly as creepy? Could I make someone happy? Could I make someone happier than I make Wife? Could I be happier? These are thoughts that jump into my brain sometimes.

• BACK ON TO WORK STUFF: One thing about a large community or Private Firm that I would appreciate is that the community doesn’t expect “County Attorney” to mean “Free Lawyer for Everyone on Everything.” One of the few hobbies people cultivate around here is owning property. People will buy houses as they go up for sale (which is often) and rent the houses out. Not exactly brilliant; but maintaining the houses when they aren’t occupied at least gives the people something to do. However Landlord/Tenant Law isn’t exactly for hobbyists. That stuff can get complicated and messy. Which is when the Landlords call me. They want to know what they can do; what they are supposed to do; essentially… they call here asking for legal advice. Except… COUNTY Attorney doesn’t mean we work for everyone in the county. We work FOR the County… meaning for the County Government. We are not going to assist you with your Private/Civil matter; hire an attorney, talk to him. I get that the argument is that many of these people likely can’t afford an attorney… and I know I sound like a dick when I say this… but not my concern. I am a Full Time County Employee legally barred from taking on Private Clients. And I’m not going to circumvent those rules by saying “It’s just free advice!” I don’t like these people enough to donate what otherwise could be a $200 per hour service.

• When I close my eyes at the office because I’m sleepy, what pops into my head is RARELY of my own choice or intention. It is usually just… something random that jumps in there and I’m as surprised as anyone by what I see. I just did that. Tired, closed my eyes, considered sleeping… and what did I see? A giant green field in late spring; a large brown horse being ridden by a pale long haired red-headed woman wearing short denim shorts and a light, flow-y purple top. That is what randomly jumped into my head!

• Now, I’m being stupid. I wrote a schedule out for myself for the day. Haven’t done anything on it yet. I should be ashamed of myself but… pathetically, I’m still confident that I can easily finish what I need to do with ease.

• HA, I shouldn’t laugh. But Ran is, again, realizing how unlike everywhere else this place is. He asked about calling the sheriff or any of the deputies… and was astonished that there is ONE number for all sheriff goings ons… and that they have no administrative assistant. 100% of all calls to any individual in the Sheriff’s Department goes through the one Dispatcher in the county. He asked about calling the Tiny Town police department… and was astonished that there wasn’t a number for them… it all goes through city hall and the administrative assistant for City Hall handles all of the Police Department Phone Call issues. Yeah, buddy… this place is… fucked up.

• Betsy DeVos is now the head of Education. It is now 100% confirmed for me that the United States Government is for sale and that “Representative Government” has completely become “Pay for Play Government.”

• I decided that… fuck it, in most of the ways imaginable, and went back to reading Prosebox entries. My bookmarks page already spiked to 3 pages of unread bookmarks and I figured it would be an acceptable time to start reading until I just couldn’t keep going. I got through enough that my bookmarks Unread page is only at 1 page (for now). Hooray.

• HA, I shouldn’t laugh. But Ran is, again, realizing how bullshit this place is. They are going over the budget and are balking in a huge way. The county takes money from our budget for Building Rental, Building Maintenance, Phone Line Usage, Internet Usage… in short, our department is being charged by the County as though we are a Private Business renting space and utilities from them. When in fact, County Attorney is a position that is literally written into the Iowa State Constitution. What is more, though, is that… it is largely about departmental favoritism. The Board hasn’t given us space in the Court House. They have given Treasurer, Auditor, Clerk, Engineer, County Health, Driver’s License, Board of Supervisors, Meeting Hall, Sheriff’s Department, and County Recorder space(s) in the Court House. And they do not charge any of those departments for rent, utilities, etc.

• Another little “Wow, this county sucks.” The individual in charge of assisting the county’s mentally challenged was just told that she was not going to receive any budget for the coming year. Stupid as hell… just eliminate her position, then, and face the Voter Repercussions… but no, having the office is good PR but funding the office means less money available for “other projects.” Meanwhile, our Veteran’s Affairs County Employee is speaking with the County Health Official and they both keep using the term “wheel chair people” to discuss individuals that require wheel chairs for mobility. Granted, it is probably only a small thing but… the term “wheel chair people” really bothers me. The individual in charge of assisting the county’s mentally challenged came in to my office to beg me not to keep trying to leave as then there would be zero sane people that work for the county. I informed her that the reduced number of sane people running this county was sufficient reason to get the hell out.

• Along those lines; just re-applied to BH County Assistant Attorney position. Which… is funny. EVERY YEAR since I passed the bar; I’ve had an interview with this county. So, obviously, that makes me worry that it sucks to work in this county since they have an opening every year. But also… it is hilarious that, potentially, I could have an interview with them again… thus keeping it accurate that every year since I passed the bar; I’ve interviewed with these guys.

• I haven’t been noting much. Sorry. Know that I read y’all when I get any time. I’m having a bit less time these days because I am trying to get into something akin to an acceptable shape. So I’m carving out time every day to run, jog, whatever I can.

Last updated February 07, 2017