Child Support. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve gotten several notes about child support that are super informative and I get a lot out of hearing other people’s stories. There’s been several women who’ve wrote me about not filing and I think y’all are super strong women for this. I give you mad props for making that decision because you don’t want your child to suffer heartbreak dealing with an inconsistent parent and worrying about them getting hurt. I’d like to maybe give some extra back story on my situation…

I will be filing for child support because not only will I need that extra help (or at least hope for it) I do believe Eric has a good potential to turn things around for the sake of his daughter. He always wanted kids and I honestly don’t want to deprive him of it, provided he can treat me with respect and we can be civil for baby. I want to be clear I don’t expect him to kiss my ass whatsoever, but as long as he’s not calling me names, threatening me, or being emotionally abusive, I’d like to try and maintain contact with him.

Part of my thoughts consist of knowing I didn’t get pregnant by myself and don’t feel he should be completely free of responsibility because he helped bring this little person into the world. Raising children isn’t free and I shouldn’t just expect to do it all on my own. I have several friends that warn me that I may never see a dime, but at least he’s not going completely free of his child either. There will be several consequences if he doesn’t pay it and that’s enough for me. I honestly hope he just decides to be a man and pays it so that it’s easier on both of us.

Neither one of us thought it was possible for us to make babies and now that it’s happened, I wouldn’t take it back. I’m excited to have my little girl that I always wanted and I remain hopeful that Eric and his family will be there for my daughter. Even if we don’t get along, I hope that we can make a great situation for the baby. Once she’s born, I will give all of them the chance to meet her and let them decide if they want to be a part of her life and if they choose not to, than it’s their loss.

Since I’ve gotten pregnant, neither Eric or his family have shown much interest but everyone says that can change once they see her. I would love to have a good relationship with them and hopefully that will happen. I want her to know them and even allow for her to go with them overnight and what not. My intention is and never will be to keep her away from anyone because it’s not fair to HER!

I know that my decision on this is partially based on me being kept from my niece and I don’t want anyone else to go through the kind of pain I feel every single day but I also want to be as fair and mature for my child. I know that in the beginning I had mentioned I didn’t want Eric to ever be around due to him being so fucking mean but now that I haven’t spoke to him in about a month, it makes it so much easier to be more rational. I think it’s best if I don’t talk to him so that he can have time to figure himself out and we can try to make a parenting plan after she’s born.

I’m really hoping that I’m going to develop more of a social life too. My Mom and little brother have been making effort and will probably spend the night again next weekend but it would be great to even plan a lunch with someone once a week. It’s really hard to be by myself a lot of the time and would like to try and change that. I gave my nurses the application for the Mother’s Mentor program but who knows when I’ll actually hear back so I’m hoping someone can or will start making more effort during the week.

It’s really hard to sit here by myself all day long and then go to work. When I’m at work, I feel totally fine with everything but after I’m alone in my head all day long, I tend to feel really depressed and anxious. It’s just not healthy but I don’t know how to change it. I wish my older brother could/would start making more effort or I could see my niece but that’s not going to happen so I need to try and find a way to fill that void.

My life has changed so much since November and it’s not easy to deal with. I went from working all the time, paying bills, just living the way I wanted to not working as much, quit smoking/drinking, and being lonely that I start to get super angry or sad. I know the pregnancy hormones make it all seem way worse too but I start to miss people that I shouldn’t miss simply because I’m feeling so alone.

It really messes with my mind to be by myself so much. I hope it gets better because it really gets to me.

I’m happy to have pets because I’m not completely alone but I do hope to find a new friend and help make the next 5 months go a lot smoother for me. I’m not saying I need other people to be happy but I’d like to have more people to socialize with.

It’s still so crazy I’m almost 16 weeks. I’m so close to halfway that it makes me really excited. I know that when I get further along, I’m going to have to reduce my hours at work and that makes me worry about bills but it’s not going to be for long. I’m also anxious to be able to have my body back too. The pregnancy hormones are absolutely terrible.

Okay, I’m going to watch some tv and enjoy the rest of my day off.