muriel stuff. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

oh wow. oh here we go. so as put. muriel stuff.

so this is the big news of last wk. Well last wk. at some point i got at Muriel and told her I was thinking of making a PSA about lucas and.what happened. I told her I wouldn’t mention names or the details just a general PSA. and she’s like ‘please PM me. Cathy & Nick want to keep this private’.

i um.......yeah. i did PM her. that’s why i got at her first. like why is that so hard to understand. i know i’m hard to follow but damn. This is the first time I can recall ever having an issue w/ Muriel. i have that issue w/ most people though. which is one reason i don’t like people. it’s not that i did anything wrong as i didn’t it’s that. like really what is the issue here. i got at her i did the right thing even before she asked me to PM her. but i thought she’d be ok w/ making a general PSA about it esp bc wwell. it’s general ya know. and i think people should know what i mean by that. general so........ no names or details i’d just mention it. and not even what happened the same thing I put whenever i’ve brought ‘ending it’ up on fb.

but evidently she’s not ok w/ it. now i haven’t made a PSA about it. bc. that means i disrespect Cathy i disrespect Muriel. and.i can’t have that i mean she’s my best friend’s mom. Cathy and i don’t even talk we’re not even friends or w/e on fb. [actually and the reason we’re not is bc on fb she’s way too nice so]. so it’s not even about Cathy. er i mean it is about Cathy bc it’s her news but it’s not in that.........um..........i don’t.know. i don’t really have an answer for that.

yes i I know it’s not my news. and a part of me thinks AJ Pat’s brother shouldn’t’ve told me.that bc this is what happens. when something happens i’ll post about it for awhile. it’s funny. i’m actually a really private person except on here and fb. and thing is. like so as i’ve mentioned apparently valerie knows about what happened to me. via clint. well. but see i was the one who decided that after that i was going to ask people their confidentiality policy before telling them about what happened to me. since apparently people can’t be trusted and i was stupid enough to do that. and no it’s not always better to tell. but see. it was my decision and still is. not anyone else’s. and while Muriel’s not actually telling me not to...........in a way she is. she’s saying ‘well get at me about it’. yes. i have.

but what bothers me about it.is that i feel like i’m being told what i can and can’t post about. and i don’t like that. sorry but i don’t like being told what to do w/ news that impacts me. or, in general. i haven’t since i was raped. yes and this is directly tied to that. that’s a big part of me being a feminist. big part. and thing is. someone tells me what to do and i’ll do the opposite. i’ve brought this up before. it sounds weird but giving me permission to do the thing i shouldn’t do actually has more, of an impact. rock hard place me. damnit.

so now Muriel I aren’t talking. which right now is honestly probably for the best.