305.2 (Warning: Whinging) in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Wow… our country is so divided. Puxatony phil (most famous of all groundhogs) says 6 more weeks of winter. Staten Island Chuck (most accurate of all groundhogs) says we’re in for an early spring. #GroundhogPolitics

A beautiful prosebox writer on here was talking about sleeplessness and aging and the like and it got me thinking. Human Experience is all about circles; circles and connections.

Sleeplessness becomes pain becomes sleeplessness.
Sleeplessness becomes apathy becomes depression becomes sleeplessness.

But human connections are the spokes on that wheel. Each spoke can be the opportunity to break that circle. For example… as a beautiful, wise prosebox writer has suggested, if my relationship with my wife were better/healthier… it is entirely likely that my circle would not be so negative. But then, my wife is almost the entirety of my social world at the moment. Thus why I put so much pressure on returning to Des Moines. I acknowledge it is an old hat. It is the same hat I wore in Omaha, with slight alterations. In Omaha, I had friends and school… and home life sucked because I had a wife who was miserable and refused sex and intimacy. So I said to myself, “Wife is desperate to return to Iowa. We get back there, my home life will improve.” But the deep truth is… I would never expect this place to be the place to improve. Because there are no happy people here. I make the mention often; but it is so accurate, it can’t be explained otherwise. This town, this county… it has this miasma to it. The sun shines less than 10% of the time. I haven’t met a single person that smiles more than they frown. Even the people who love it here are full of more complaints than praises for the area. 85% of Town Pride or Town Activity is focused on the school… and the school K-12 is 700 kids. If divided evenly, that is 54 kids per grade. The other 15% of Town Activity is The Bar.
So no… I could not possibly expect this place to be acceptable for “changing wheels.”

But I do have to make this promise; this oath. IF/WHEN we return to Des Moines… then we have to give a very thorough consideration to everything. Because as hard as it would be if we were in Des Moines and I did not have a job lined up… in Des Moines we have family, we have dozens of friends, there is enough to do that we can encourage our spirit of adventure and excitement, there is sufficient health care (a major and horrifying difference), we are close to DMACC and ISU so if Wife wanted to increase her education she could. In short, as I’ve explained to my father, we are not looking at Des Moines as The End All Be All. However, our marriage has existed in only two places thus far.
Place 1: Nebraska. I’m in law school, learning and socializing and enjoying life. Wife is working at an Omaha Wal Mart with high theft and violence and coming into contact with the worst people in Omaha. So… our relationship issues are certainly understandable.
Place 2: Tiny Town. We both hate our jobs, hate where we live, and are stuck in an unwelcoming, unsocial, dying part of the state. Just about everything in our day to day lives is unpleasant.

How do I see Des Moines, then? Even if I lack a job?
My parents are there. My sibling is there (with Niece and SIL). Both of them have dogs. We could get a dog. On any evening, Wife and I could have a date night. (Because we can’t do that here; it takes an hour to drive anywhere a Date Night could happen). I could call up Glassy, Blacky, Bono, Gross, Gabe, Mate, Weaves, Roads, John, Jack, Ly, Jes, Scott, Ry, Ali, Where and others to just hang out or watch a movie or throw together a party. I could go to a museum or a library or a garden with ease. I could go to a hospital and know that I’d be treated. I could find a mental health professional that had actual qualifications. I could find a church where I wasn’t expected to “be a pillar of the church community” and could just be a member. And even if I still wanted to travel for things like MBFITWW or Pathfinder… Des Moines is closer to both places by virtue of I-80/I-35! Instead of driving an hour to get to an interstate… they would be right there. So… yes. Maybe I’m looking at a Return to Des Moines as salvation. But after the 305 days I’ve had here? That isn’t too far off the mark.

Though I have been thinking… and this makes me a little sad.
Say I get a job in Des Moines and we move. My job takes up 6 to 8 hours. I’d actually have a LIFE again after work. I’d be on PB less. And I’d be terrible at keeping up with everyone. And I’d really miss a lot of you as I’ve learned a great deal and grown considerably as a person.

But… conversely… getting my life back would be well worth while!

The below photo was taken in 2010. It is an engagement photo of my wife and I. The photo was taken in Des Moines. More interestingly, the photographer was my wife. She was able to take the photo and be in the photo. Like all other things (reading, tae kwon do, photography)… after we left Des Moines… Wife stopped doing a lot of the things she loved.