Dr and then ER visit. in Since OD is shutting down....

My Mom and little brother came with me to the dr yesterday. It was nice that they came and my Mom said she plans to be involved with my baby so hopefully she stays true to her word. When we were on the phone, I could hear my Dad saying stuff but couldn’t tell what it was but by the tone of his voice, I could tell it was him talking shit. I was bitching about my cats and apparently he said something about that’s life when you have pets and a bunch of other negative shit. I had to ask my little brother what he was saying because my Mom wouldn’t tell me.

I haven’t spoke to my Dad since September when I went out there to visit and he treated me like shit the whole time. He thinks I don’t talk to him because I think he’s mad at me for getting pregnant. That’s not at all true. I don’t speak to him because he’s a fucking creep. I’m not sure why he gets to sit up on some high horse and look down on everyone else when he’s done NOTHING for any of us kids and has lived off my Mom for almost 40 years. If it wasn’t for her, he’d be living in a box behind Walmart. I truly hate him and wish he could keep my name out of his ugly ass mouth.

Seriously him and my older brother have done nothing but piss me off. I just don’t appreciate their negativity when I have enough to worry about! I am going into this a single parent and I just don’t fucking care what they have to say. It’s my child so therefore it’s my responsibility! I haven’t asked them for a God damn thing so they should probably just keep their mouth shut. So fucking over everyone and their shit talking!!!

So I started not feeling too great before I got to work and it just continued through the night. I felt hot and cold flashes, dizzy, and almost threw up several times. I had to get off early and go to the ER. They gave me some food, Tylenol and some Zofran. I started to feel a lot better and then the Dr had me do a cat scan because I told her I’ve been getting really bad headaches. The scan came back fine and she wanted me to do a spinal tap but it was already 11pm and I had been there for 3 hours so I chose to not do it and go home. I was falling asleep there and wanted to leave before I was to tired to drive home.

I’m waiting for the nurses to come. I spent a good portion of my morning cleaning up the house and it looks really nice.

So glad I feel better though. I do have a Dr’s note so I wouldn’t have to work today but I do plan on going because I need the money. I’d love to take the day off but I really can’t afford to. I still have plenty of stuff to get for the baby and I want to work on paying the credit card off.

I do worry about getting further along and not being able to work or work as much so I’m really wanting to get the credit card paid off and buy everything I need for the baby in the next few weeks so if something were to happen, I’d be completely prepared.

Today feels like a good day. I still have my good days and my bad days as far as Eric goes, but I just try and keep in mind that I’m not the only woman to ever go through this nor will I be the last. I try and stay hopeful that I’ll find a decent guy later on in life to be there for me and my daughter. I’m angry that Eric isn’t going to help with baby stuff but I’m doing great even without his help.

I never thought I’d be bringing a baby into the world to a single parent home but it’s happening and I just have to make the best of it. I just hope I don’t stay angry and bitter towards Eric forever because it’s not doing anything positive for me. I just wish he would have been a man of his word like he pretended but I know I’m strong enough to be a good Mom for baby.

My best friend in AZ is forever trying to change my mind about getting my tubes tied but at this point, I pretty much have my mind made up. I just don’t want to find myself having more babies out of wedlock, having to worry about health risks due to my age, worrying about how to support more than one child, and I feel that I’ve already made so many mistakes that I just don’t want to bring more children into a single parent home. My friend says that just because I haven’t found a decent guy doesn’t mean that I won’t but even if I did, that doesn’t mean if I got pregnant with his child, he wouldn’t run out on me like Eric did.

I feel that I’ve already made irresponsible choices here and I don’t want to continue doing it. Part of it is I don’t know how much support I’m really going to have and I just don’t want to have several children to raise by myself. I think my Mom is going to be helpful which is great but I just want to make better choices in the future. I asked the nurse about it yesterday and she said that they try to talk people out of it because of the biggest reason: regret. I’ve already been thinking about this since I found out I was pregnant and truly believe it’s what I want to do. Now they don’t just tie them, they actually take them out which I think is better because then the chance of getting pregnant again is like nothing. I know plenty of women who have gotten their tubes tied and have gotten knocked up again.

They said we are going to do ultrasound in the next 5-6 weeks and look at the anatomy of baby. They mentioned the amnio test but I don’t plan to do that because there’s a 1 in 300 chance of losing the baby and my friend said I don’t need it because that’s basically for people who have down syndrome or birth defects in their background.

It’s just so crazy I’m already 15 weeks today. March 7th, I’ll be 20 weeks which is halfway. It’s going so damn fast!! I found out at 5 weeks and 2 days and then I found it she was a girl at 13 weeks and 3 days. I do feel like it’s not going fast enough though because I’m super impatient but I must learn some. She’ll be here before I know it and then I’m going to wish I would have enjoyed being pregnant more. It’s still super hard because of what it’s done to my body and I still worry a lot.

I’ve decided that I’m going to try to not talk about Eric much anymore or creep his Facebook page. It’s not healthy for me and I need to do my best to just forget about him for the next few months. I do plan to reach out to him after baby is born and paternity test is done but for now, I need to just focus on preparing for the baby. I still feel that I talk about him way too much and if you talk about something that means you care about it so I need to just let everything go for now and focus on the positive.

No one has helped by any baby stuff. I’ve done it all on my own. I’m definitely proud of this. I’ve spent about $400 so far but still need a bouncy, stroller, diaper genie, bathtub, and a few little things like gas drops and want to get some Playtex bottles with the drop ins. I plan to get all this stuff and then just focus on getting more baby clothes, diapers, and wipes. I already have a shit load, but it would be great if I had enough to last for the first year. I have newborn and size 1 but feel that I have plenty of those so I want to start getting 2 and 3.

As far as people having negative things to say about my pregnancy, I try really hard to let it roll off my shoulders because their opinions don’t pay my bills or buy baby stuff but sometimes it makes me furious. Most of the people criticizing have NO FUCKING BUSINESS to pass judgement on me. My older brother has had a total of 5 children (one got adopted out because the Mom was 15 and one got aborted) and is an actual Daddy to 1 of his kids. Eric doesn’t have a car, a driver’s license, owns maybe a garbage bag full of stuff and has talked shit to me for having a GED but has nothing to say about me owning 3 cars, having great credit, stable as fuck, and having a decent paying job. My Dad has an older son (Jeremy) that he was never been a father to and my Mom actually had to pay his child support so she could get her tax check every year.

So as far as all these motherfuckers judging me, based on their past..their opinions are invalid. I also recall helping my brother and his girlfriend pay for daycare over the Summer as well. I probably shelled out $350 to help out. Do you think they’ll help me pay for daycare for my child?! Absolutely fucking not! Do you think they’ll babysit for me for FREE every weekend like I did for them?! Not at all. I have also bent over backwards to help my Dad in situations that had NOTHING to do with me and yet he’s still there judging me from his perfect little life that my MOM has fucking paid for?! Uh okie doke!

Anyways, the nurses are going to be here in a minute so I need to close for now.