302 in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Where to begin?

Saturday is fairly documented. The Nation had a crisis. This community sided with anti-American Ideals. My marriage issues continue as I am “room mate” status. Saturday.

Sunday was different. I woke up at 6 am. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Shuffled out to the couch. Fell asleep out there. Woke up around 11 as Wife was getting her ski stuff ready. I quickly got up and did the same. I haven’t ever really skied before and Wife has been skiing for decades. So… I got my skis on and waited in line for the Free Lesson… she tackled the intermediate hill. Maybe it is my fibromyalgia, maybe it is because I am in the worst physical shape of my life, but STANDING IN SKIS IS PAINFUL. Finally, the lesson came. Lesson One: How to get up when you fall. Everyone had to do (try) all 3 Stand Up Forms. First form… involves considerable abdominal strength. Obviously, I wasn’t able to do it. But the attempt got my heart rate way up and hurt more than I expected. I was able to do Form 2 and Form 3. Then over to the tow rope. Key Here? Keep your skis shoulder width apart, stand up straight (don’t lean back) and hold on to a rope as it pulls you up the hill. In other words… like assisted-skiing up hill. By the time I got to the top of the hill… every part of me hurt. Active pain shooting through my feet; sore hips but worse, my calves in severe pain. At this point, Wife had finished a few runs down the hill and came over to check on me. She said that she wasn’t surprised and encouraged me to sit for a while. After a bit, the instructor came back over and had me try a slow trip down the hill. But it wasn’t tacking… it was wide leg, bent toe stance down the whole hill. In other words, legs straight; hips bent and pushing out as hard as you can; while making sure your ski tips were pointed toward each other without crossing. It was a position I am fairly certain my legs have never tried before. My outer thighs were absolutely shrieking with pain by the end of the run. Wife took pity on me and we got some water to drink. She said that she was worried about me skiing because of my fibro and because I was so out of shape. She gave me permission to not keep going (as I’m sure it would have significantly slowed her down) and she went back up the hill. She came down many more times and… skiing is a 100% perfect metaphor for her life. (We discussed it and she agrees). When she starts trying to overthink the hill; she gets in her own way. When she just enjoys the run, she skis brilliantly. That is the definition of her. In everything she does, she overthinks to the point of destruction. Nothing can ever be enjoyed, or spontaneous, or fun… it has to be thought to death, beaten to unrecognizable, and then maybe she’ll consider. It is the reason why she can’t have sex without liters of alcohol these days.

Then since the ski place was about 20 minutes from Ames; we stopped to see Brother, Sister in Law, and Niece. They cooked a wonderful meal and, for the most part, it was a GREAT visit. Of course, my Brother stepped in it (as he always does) by (again) suggesting that “Fibromyalgia” isn’t real and that pain is a good thing if you push through it. But then, he bought it back a bit by saying how his life has changed so much since taking a desk job.... how sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day makes everything with the body more difficult. There was a beautiful moment though where Brother and Niece were dancing. It was awesome. And an idea struck me. I’ve been thinking of a story for a while now… a man is chosen for a Multi-Verse experiment where he can see through the eyes of Alternate Versions but can’t make decisions or alter course… basically, a “scout” for possible future travel. The conflict, originally, was that the more often the character used the device… the more shredded his body would become. Essentially, he is looking for a world to go to; but in his pursuit, his body is destroyed. But watching my brother with his daughter? I had another idea. Maybe what happens is A Choice. The character could go to an alternate reality but as for the people he loves… his Prime Reality is The Best for them. So the question becomes… do you do whatever it takes to make YOUR life better… or do you allow for a sub-optimal life to enjoy the happiness and comfort of others?

Then we left and driving home from visiting my parents or my siblings always results in Wife crying. For a number of reasons. She cries because she likes it so much better in Ames or Des Moines. She cries because while she is older than my brother and SIL; she feels deeply inadequate to them. She cries because she is so terrified of leaving Wal Mart but knows that she wants to. She cries because she never used to cry before and wonders why she has to be so broken. She just… cries. Pretty much every time.

We got home; she was absolutely wiped and went straight to bed. I tidied up the kitchen (as that is something she really wanted to do before she went to bed but was too tired) and then I joined her in bed. Typically, it takes her at least 30 minutes to go to sleep. But she was out as soon as her head hit the pillow. It took me a little longer and I think I finally dozed off around midnight or one. Only to wake up at 4. And not be able to go back to sleep. And I woke up with extreme muscle ache all over my body. So I ran through my list of things to do to go to sleep and finally nodded off again at 7. For, essentially, an hour long nap before work.

Got in to work and immediately; both lines were lit up. First line: Sheriff’s Deputy upset that I didn’t jail a mentally ill man. Second line: Meth addict upset that she isn’t getting enough money from a restitution order… she and her b/f were cooking meth… the house blew up… the b/f was charged with the destruction and restitution was mandated. Legally, we can mandate no less then $50 a month. Which means… we can’t FORCE him to pay more than $50; but he is required to pay at least $50. She’s mad because “how is she supposed to live on that?” Ma’am… that is a payment plan where he is supposed to be paying you back for the damage done to your house… costs Insurance should already be helping to offset… and it is in no way supposed to be money “to live off of.” ::eye roll::

That was followed by a concerned citizen checking in with me about a mental health case. Problem is… the Patient is resisting his family’s help, resisting the State’s help, not listening to Doctors, and using dangerous illegal substances. So… there isn’t much we can do. What I’d like to do is put him in a “Long Term Mental Health Facility” but… this is Iowa… our facilities have been shut down, defunded, and decimated. So… yeah. Very little we can do to keep this man from being a threat to himself or others.

And now for that long stretch of nothing. I have the suspicion that things might start to pick up around here in mid-February; but who knows. Ultimately, I think if/when Ran gets things set up the way he likes… gets Jude trained… and as long as he can keep Cecilia for collections… this office really doesn’t need an Assistant Attorney. One Attorney, One Legal Assistant, One Secretary. That’s all a county of 5k needs. Meanwhile, I’m still looking at Application Potentials. I’ve heard back from 2 firms in the last few days. Both of which I applied to months ago. Of course, both of them being “Thanks, no.”