Numbered list of life in Watching Life Fly By
- Jan. 29, 2017, 1:43 p.m.
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- Public
- I’m still not pregnant after about 1.5yrs of trying to give Chloe a sibling. I’ve had 3 very early miscarriages and I feel defeated. I’ve decided if I am not pregnant this cycle, I will call my insurance to see if they will cover anything with a reproductive specialist. I was told they do not, but I will call and see if there is anything that can be done.
I’m battling the guilt of not giving her a sibling. I hate it. - Mike and I are doing well overall. However, he occasionally drinks liquor (a few times a year) and becomes NASTY. He says hateful things to me and about me. He says hateful things about Chloe and about anyone else he thinks of during that time. I feel threatened by him in those moments. He did this a few weeks ago, and I called his mother and demanded she come get Chloe and I. She got here and spent forever trying to reason with him. It did nothing. We finally left and then he continually called us saying he was going to drive. We turned around and came back thinking she’d take him instead. He had driven his truck through our yard in a zigzagged pattern (thank you snow). We ended up all staying here. I took Chloe to my bed and got her to sleep with my arms protecting her. His mother was supposed to sleep with us, and leave him on the couch. Instead she slept on the couch and he came to bed and tried to sleep too close to Chloe. I put her in her room and slept fretfully all night wondering if he was going to get up and go near her/accidently hurt or scare her. He didn’t. It was a workday so I woke him up and made him go to work. We talked the next evening. I talked, he listened I suppose. I told him he scares me and hurts me mentally when he drinks like that. I told him I will not allow Chloe to have fear like she did. I told him we will leave if it happens again. I’m not sure he believes me. I will leave. We have a few thousand dollars in the house in cash. I will take it if this happens again, and we will drive to a hotel (less than 10 minutes away). After that, I will either stay at his parents or ask him to stay there till we find a place to live without him. I NEVER want to leave him. I will if I need to protect Chloe.
- Work is okay. I do not like this semester, but it is moving quickly. I feel displaced, disorganized, and rushed daily. Quite a few teachers have quit during our school year. My favorite coworker from my previous school begins tomorrow. I pray he loves it and he adjusts quickly. He is a great guy. My students have too many issues for me to handle alone. Administration is a mess. It’s a rough year, but hopefully it will get better.
- We had 1 good snowstorm that shut us down for almost a week. It hit on a weekend and we were out of work till the following Thursday. I’m ready for another one.
- Chloe loves her sitter this year. I’m glad we switched in August. She is learning a ton with this one, although I’m going to push for more. Chloe is potty trained- she needs a diaper for sleeping, but other than that she is good. We do a pull up when we are out running errands but soon I will stop doing that. I just need to be braver. Chloe knows most of her colors and can count when she wants to. She needs to get better at her counting and I would like to hear her sing a few songs. She refuses to sing her ABC’s, Itsy-Bitsy Spider etc. I hate that she appears “less smart” than other children when she is insanely intelligent and has a great vocabulary. She is physical and verbal but she refuses to show anything academic to us.
- I feel friend-less. I need to find some people I actually like here. It’s not fun to have nobody to turn to but my husband.
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