About the Man in the Women’s Restroom in Everyday Ramblings

On Friday I had two students in class. It was fun because I can pay a lot of attention to them both and use props to support and encourage the particular needs of their bodies. They know each other, which also makes it a very relaxed atmosphere. One of them is a (mostly) retired Unitarian minister.

The studio is in a big rambling building from the 1920s that faces a fairly busy downtown street. There are separate restrooms on each floor for both women and men with more than one stall in each. The trek to the closest restroom from the studio is a bit circuitous and involves a key and a piece of tape over a lock so one can get back in…

One of my students, (they were both women) wanted to use the restroom before class and so I took her on the tour and got her there. A few minutes later she came back and said a bit flustered that there had been a man in the restroom and she was somewhat unnerved by it as he left abruptly as she came in.

She is a newly retired private nurse and she was seriously more upset about the fact that he didn’t wash his hands than that he was in there.

I was concerned though and told her I would follow-up with the security for the building and the studio owner. The key is the same to both restrooms. At church we have signs that say “Or for those who identify as one” on our restrooms. We welcome transgendered folks and have a number of them in our congregation.

We settled in and went on with our class and then about 45 minutes later as we were doing an exercise at the wall our minister said apropos of nothing we were doing…”You know, we used to have a group at the church on Friday evenings for cross dressers, I wonder if that was a man changing into women’s clothing after his work day.”

And it was like, duh, of course! It was such a considered compassionate interpretation of a situation that made us all a bit anxious and reactive.

Being inclusive is sometimes so difficult. We all want to feel safe and comfortable.

I know I am personally struggling with a moral dilemma about “my” plans for the Philosophy club. Mrs. Sherlock and I have had long discussions about why we would like the group to be for just women only. We want the members to feel comfortable and relaxed about speaking up about moral questions that have puzzled them for years and what the community of thoughtful writers has had to say on the subject without, umm, men intellectualizing, competing and talking over each other and us.

It has pretty much, with some rare extraordinary exceptions, been a men’s club all along, this space where science and religion meet.

And I have one person who very enthusiastically wants to join the group that is a woman, who has lived in a man’s body. A person who is the beneficiary of male privileges her whole life. It is a deeply thorny question and one I hope to be open minded and is the point of the whole club!

A couple of us are having dinner this coming week and I plan to discuss this some more. I was waiting to hear about my dental extravaganza before I set up the first meeting.

Yesterday morning hearing about the immigration ban and the prospect of returning refugees to their home country where they are in mortal danger after spending years getting the proper visas and being detained upon landing in the U.S. made me have a major hissy fit.

I talked to Mrs. Holmes on our regular Saturday morning walk about it and then came home and made a cash donation to the ACLU which I could barely afford and contemplated calling my elected officials. I am relieved to hear that the judge in New York was able to override the ban and at least some of the detainees were released.

Shame on us! President Trump was elected by 25% of the American population. He is not governing to the desires of the whole population he is now the head of but only to that 25% (and my guess is that some people that voted for him may be regretting that right now).

What this man is doing is not only immoral; it is illegal. And we must speak out even if we are afraid.

Tomorrow I am teaching a class on the neck and throat and how to find our voices after so long. This is not a situation that lends itself to just letting things be…first we speak up and find a way to be heard and then…then… we let it be.

Last updated January 29, 2017