Positive. in Since OD is shutting down....

Things have been going okay the past few days. I’m still feeling good and the hormones have stabilized considerably. I’m really focused on just being happy and taking it one day at a time. I was so down at the start of my pregnancy because I was just so overwhelmed, scared, angry, and not in a good place but now, I’m 14 weeks and 1 day so I’ve had time to adjust to knowing I’m going to have a baby.

The nurses came again yesterday. They brought me applications for a bunch of programs here where I can take free classes for stuff, Habitat for Humanity, and a prenatal class where you can network with other parents. I wanted to do all of them online but I can’t find the applications when I look on the websites so I’m going to fill out all of them over the weekend. I’m definitely ready to meet and network with other people and for some positive sources to come into my life.

That girl that stole all that money from my boss messaged me yesterday. I was immediately on guard because she generally only reaches out to me because she needs something and yesterday was no different. She was trying to make small talk and asked about my pregnancy. I didn’t answer because I was at work and she didn’t care a couple of months ago so I didn’t understand the sudden interest. I inquired and the truth came out. She wanted to know about our W-2s and I told her I had no idea. She was then being a complete bitch so I blocked her again and plan to leave it that way.

Literally I’ve dealt with more drama in the past 2 months than I have a in a really long time. All I’ve tried to fucking do is reach out to people and have a support system and people have turned it into a damn shit show!! The only people I can count on to not try and find conflict with me are my 2 friends that don’t live here. With everyone else, I remain guarded because I am so tired of someone trying to pick a fucking fight with me!! I just don’t get why people lack compassion like they do but that’s why I just stay in my own little bubble that consists of work and hanging out at home with my cats!

Sometimes I get so fucking sick of this shit that it makes me have violent thoughts. I want to physically hurt someone. I just don’t think people have enough consideration to care that I’m going to do this all on my own and I have plenty going on to keep me occupied. I seriously don’t have the time or energy to have drama and chaos with anybody. I am honestly glad to just have my own world of just me, my unborn baby, and my cats.

My Mom reached out to me a few days ago. She wants to come with to my Dr appointment Tuesday. She’s going to meet me at my house and follow me because I can’t handle her smoking. I wish we could ride together but she has to smoke all the time. I am hoping that she does come, starts showing effort, and this could be a really good positive thing for the both of us. I just can’t help but question the sudden interest. She hasn’t given a shit for the past 9 weeks so why now?

Anyways, I decided that I’m not going to reach out to Eric or his family again until after baby is born and he’s served with paternity papers. I’ve tried every approach I could think of up until 3 weeks ago and couldn’t get anywhere so I think it’s more effective to just leave him be, let parenthood soak in and revisit everything after baby gets here. I think after it’s proven he’s her Dad, we have a better chance of trying to figure everything out. I will message him and see if he wants to be a mature adult without being abusive and we can try to make a parenting plan but if he continues to be abusive, then we can just wait until he can afford to take me to court!

Anyways, going to work early!