Holding Pattern in The Past

Things are falling apart in an odd way. Thursday afternoon I was called into the HR office and told that as of March 3rd, I will not have a job any longer. They’re combining my department with another, and the other assistant has more seniority. I was floored, filled up with so many different emotions that I couldn’t function besides trying to keep from sobbing. I did cry, but quietly. I was planning on taking Friday off anyways, and they said I could have today off too, on them (ADL instead of having to spend any of my vacation time). I took them up on the offer, since it’s free days off. I think I needed the time too.

I couldn’t function at all on Thursday; just cried and, yeah, drank a bit. I was better on Friday. I helped Maili with her Quickbooks then, got most of it finished and started trying to figure out what I’m going to do. It’s the small things that are worrying me… like, how do I keep my sanity at work, with the knowledge that they don’t want me, they don’t think that I am good for the company, blah blah blah. I’m worried about money, of course, and about insurance and the like. It’s all just a large glob of uncertainty. The worst part is that I know that they mean well. They’re willing to do anything they can to help me find a new job and blah blah blah.. I’m just… I’m finally coming out of the shell-shocked part of the whole thing, but I’m just not sure what to do.

Milo suggested that I take a little time between jobs, a month or so, to get my personal shit together. She also suggested that it would give Court an incentive to get a god damned job. I kind of like the thought of having time to do my own thing, to do my maile and the like, but what’s the chances of me actually doing it? I haven’t done much in the way of maile or buttons this weekend, and I had an extra few days off.

The worst thing is that a part of me still wants to fuck them over, to do something, either getting a job right away and giving my two weeks notice, or just not doing my procedurals or something, but something to make them hurt. I know that thought is petty, and I’m probably not going to do anything of the like, but the desire is there, it’s burning inside.

Welp, at least I got my job description, found it last night, so I can update my resume.

Last updated March 03, 2019