Blank Slate. in Adventures of New baby and family

Sometimes I look at this page.. an empty slate. What to write....BLank.
Everything swirls in my head. So much where to start and sadly I just can’t write what I want. I could write all day any it still probably wouldn’t be enough.
Everyday is a bit of a blank slate but is it??
You have millions of things that are the truths you can’t change merely by sleep. You have a past that shapes the future. But the next day is new and can be changed slowly. It shapes and is molded till its another day.

I could go off about the new president .
I could go off about my SO that is as fucked up as the President.
Sigh.....
I could be pissed at the mediocre job that I have.
I could be overwhelmed by my 3 kids and not really having support.

Sometimes stepping back into time helps with perspective.
I keep thinking about this time last year......
My baby is almost 1..less than a week. My SO was taken to the psych ward (although he really needs to be there now) I’m home mainly alone as the other 2 are in school. I’m feeling pressure and some contractions. I’m 37 weeks. Not a surprise to me, its been going on throughout my pregnancy.
Monday afternoon January 25 I get a call from the doctor. Its Dr S calling. Well we got the test results back from the MRI and it shows you do have placenta accreta and we will be moving up the surgery till Thursday (3 days!) Stunned I said okay and thanks for letting me know. We will discuss everything at tomorrow’s appointment. Just don’t go into labor before hand. I kind of laughed told him I will try not to.
The pressure and contractions stopped and I went on with my day calling people to let them know the c-section was scheduled for Thursday. I went to the psych unit and told him the baby was going to be born this week and he went off.

I had an appointment the next morning with the doctor. I thanked him for letting me know in advance. It was a day but at least I wasn’t shocked when I went to this appointment that I was going to have a baby this week instead of next. I got more of a shock there......
I explained baby’s dad was in psych ward and had to make other arrangements for the other kids and people to be with me in the hospital. ” You??” He said. “You have no idea what I’ve had to do” I kind of laughed and said “I’m a pain in the ass, aren’t I?” you could see the look on his face were he was going to say no and changed it. He laughed too “Yes, yes you really are.”
and then he laid it out on the line what he was planning and why.....and whom he had to deal with.
Stents?? Catheters?? I have too much medical knowledge...... Deep breath..I can do this........
I have to do this, no choice....really.
I went home and told my parents some of what was going on. I downplayed most everything from the pregnancy. No problems here… ha
What am I going to say??? Hey there putting stents and caths in me as they are afraid I’m going to bleed to death. Wanna come watch??

The next day I went for my last and final ultrasound. My tech that I got to know was wonderful. She thought he would be 5 lbs 11 oz from the ultrasound and I thought maybe 6lbs before she did it. I couldn’t really think of him being smaller than that without be a little scared. The doctor came in and told me that pProming and being monitored was the best thing that could have happened. A wave of relief and angry rushed over me.
This was ONE hell of a journey....

My mind lately wanders to these uncertain moments as the year anniversary for this is coming up.

As I look into my little guys big blue eyes…I just see love.

Almost a year he is..... its gone by so fast.