the honest light in Random Thoughts

morning, the light i love the most. i don’t want unnatural light to get in the way of basking in the honest morning light.

What brings you joy?

Morning light brings me joy.

in multiple areas i’ve seen Ian express his .... how do i express it… search for, need of.... honesty. self honesty. be true to oneself. i love this.

Its my last day before school starts back up. unless for some reason they cancel tomorrow too. this could happen, since i see more snow on the forecast We’ve had 6 days off total. Today is a holiday, but with the roads like ice, i feel they would have cancelled today also. Last night was my first night home in quite a few days because last Wednesday i decided, unwisely, to drive to my love’s house for our date night. I ended up in North Portland for 4 nights.

I told my love about Ian. During those 4 nights i was stuck in Portland, i spent one of them with Ian. I can’t get him off my mind.

In the back of my mind i am mulling how it is i can be so in love with my love and still have these super exciting new relationship feelings for Ian. Its amazing. The human capacity for love is astounding.

I can’t get him off my mind. I may have even done something like facebook stalk him (we are not friends there, which is fine by me). Basically it was just look at his pictures.

This is where the vulnerability comes in, where i know that i really like him. I worry. How much is too much? When should i text him? Am i being a bother? Should i ask if he wants to see a movie today (something id like to do anyways)? Am i this enough? Am i that enough? And the ever ubiquitous question in new relationships, what if i like him more than he likes me?

With Jamie, it was open how much we were immediately into one another. I could say the things and not worry. I did feel that last question with Jamie, but since ive become part of the family, i am not worried about it. I know Jamie and Gaby are married, but it does not feel like it is an insurmountable wall, or that it is even a wall i need to approach.

So. A movie. I am going to look at places and times and see if Ian would like to join.