I want him home now. in Hello.

It was beginning to look so positive. He’s had his line out earlier than planned. For the first time since I came home I felt positive. I’ve scrubbed his bedroom and bought new bedding, getting excited about the prospect of having him home. He was hoping he could be released on Monday.
John sent me a lovely picture of Rob sitting outside on a bench, holding a bottle of juice. His face suggests he was saying “stop taking pictures of me!”
Yet last night I sobbed. Sure I have my family and friends around me, but I hate the uncertainty. When we were in Bedford, I’d wake up feeling teary. After I’d seen him, I’d be buoyed up for the rest of the day. My teary times are getting more and more and I know it’s because I’m just getting second hand information.

Then they tell me he has an infection. Rob said it’s a blood infection, caused when they removed the line from his neck. Stupid me Googled it. Risk of death, especially if their immunity is already compromised. Especially if they’ve had invasive treatment in hospital. John told me not to Google, Rob feels fluey and has a bit of a cough. He’s in the best place. He’s had antibiotics. But I can’t shake the feeling. If only he wasn’t so bloody far away.

I feel sick and numb. I can’t move. I’m having palpitations and chest pain. I’m trying to stifle a panic attack. I’m trying not to throw up.