The Unwilling in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Shorty before Christmas, I called Edgar. I had seen him around town and he looked healthy, doing his steps for AA, so I wanted to reach out and see how he was doing. The conversation was fairly pleasant and he said that he wanted to get together with me so that he could give me back some stuff of mine that he had. I was open to it and we decided to plan something the day of the Stevie Nicks concert. Well, we had to put it off, and then he was moving and then it was the holidays, so things kept getting in the way.

While I was at work on Sunday, I sent him a message asking when he was free. He said he had work and so I told him that maybe if we actually planned something and put it on the calendar, we’d actually be able to do that.

His reply was (the next day, mind you), “Oh, Justin, sweetie. I’m just not ready to do that.”

I said, “Huh?”

“I know we talked about it but I’m not willing to meet up. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why, but that really hurt my feelings. Like, I couldn’t even drive correctly. I was driving to get food and I kept passing the place. I seriously drove by it three times before I remembered where to turn into the parking lot.

“I’m not willing”

My friends say it’s probably just part of his steps, and I’m sure that is probably the case, but why not just say that? I mean… that phrasing was just so harsh. I guess that was probably the point. And Edgar and I do have a tendency to resume our easy camaraderie whenever we’re around each other, but that was something we developed in classes together before we were a couple…

I don’t know, it’s a mystery. But I guess now I’m unwilling to put any more effort into remaining his friend… so Good-bye, Edgar, my love. I’m not even sure I wish you well.