Day 181 in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

This weekend passed far too quickly and meant far too little.

Friday night, around 10:00 p.m., Wife and I began the 3 hour drive to her parents. I was exhausted and in considerable pain by the end of that drive. So much so that on Saturday morning, I woke up… had breakfast… went to read a book… and fell asleep for another 4 hours. My Parents-In-Law are very different from my family in ways that are good, in ways that are bad, and in ways that are neither good nor bad. GOOD: They have but a single television in their entire house. BAD: They don’t like to read. NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD: The TV is for sports and news only. My Mother-In-Law is a hoarder. The entire house is crammed with crap in every corner, on every surface… and some of it you just think “why?” For example… there are three different blocks of lockers… the kind you would find in a High School… scattered through the house. Why? Because the school was closing and getting rid of them. Not “because I needed storage space and liked these” it was (and usually is) an instinct of “someone else doesn’t want these, so I’ll grab them.” The weekend was largely FIL watch sports, MIL and Wife looking over ancient family photos and attempting to identify long-dead family members, and me reading my new book. Dark Matter (a book I’d been looking forward to). I devoured it! All 300 plus pages in less than a day. The value of getting away from things for a while. And being in Wife’s hometown… other things made sense. Her hometown is 6,000 people. That is the entire size of Up North County. And it is still a bit too small for Wife and I. But at least there are businesses there. At least there are places where commerce happens regularly. And more importantly… her hometown is a 40 minute drive from Waterloo (population of 68k) and about 45 minutes away from Cedar Rapids (population of 128k)… so there is a little life in the town and close to life outside of the town. Tiny Town… is about an hour away from Fort Dodge (population of 25k). So… yeah… even her small area felt better. Which came up in interesting ways on the way back. If we treat Fort Dodge as the eastern border for our section of Iowa… it fits. From Eastern Northern Iowa to Fort Dodge… there was traffic. From Fort Dodge to Tiny Town… there was no traffic. And that old familiar gut reaction for when we enter into the border of Up North County.

Waking up today… I did not wish to wake up. Another cold, gray day in an isolated and dead area. Another day of sitting at a desk, trying to do the job, and realizing how little all of it matters. After a shower, I climb into my car and turn on the radio. Trump Tweets, NoKo ICBMs, Middle Eastern warfare, global poverty and death. I sigh and drive to the office. I take a moment to consider how things would be different in Des Moines or Independence. I’d still not want to wake up, I’d still drag myself to my car, I’d still hear about all the horrors of the world… but I’d think about how later that evening, I’d be seeing friends… grabbing a drink with co-workers… catching a movie. There would be something to look forward to. As it is… I just have more “To Do” checklists in my life. The TO DO checklist at work; then the TO DO checklist at home; before I fall asleep and return to the TO DO checklist at work. Looking for the positive… at least I’ve got a TO DO that I understand. That is a huge positive step forward from this time last year. Though… that being said, I’d still trade places with that guy. Looking for work sucked and the Jail was an energy drain like nobody’s business… but I could look forward to hanging out with Matt, going to The Alamo or Beercade or just walking around downtown Omaha. I reflect on that. There are certainly people (like my wife) who get to a town of half a million people and hate it. Then there are people like me; who get to a town of half a million people and love it. Then all of that comes back down to this. I loved half a million; wife did not. I dislike less than 1500; wife despises it. So we have our range. Wife wants to live in Iowa, and we need a town (or easy access to a town) of 50,000 people or more. And, as I’ve said before, that is limiting. There are maybe 15 places in all of Iowa that fit the bill. Most are in Central Iowa or Eastern Iowa. There is but one in Western Iowa. Not that we want to stay in Western Iowa but… it reminds of how sparsely populated this side of the state is.

It solidifies something for me. Of course I would hate to not have a job. Hell, the dreaded “employment gap” on a resume can kill future job applications. But this situation is not sustainable. I truly and honestly need to get us moved by the end of the year.

But… now to turn my attention to more immediate matters.

(1) Fix Items for Defense Counsel
(2) Phone Officers (who are still not getting me the things I need!)
(3) PB… continue trying to catch up on ProseBox reading
(4) Home… thank you letters and whatever.

I suppose the “big” At Home things I need to do are (1) Finish Thank You Letters; (2) Renew my Annual Bar License; (3) Update my Pathfinder Character… and that is it for At Home. At work? Just… push through. Finish cases, watch new ones come up, sit on the cases that never get finished. Pretty standard. So I suppose that is a positive step as well… it isn’t the stabbing pain of constant suck… it is the dull aching drain of constant suck. Which is appropriate to my physical condition. There are moments of stabbing or pointed excruciating pain… but mostly… the constant and unceasing pain going through my body is more akin to someone who works out too much… that sore aching pain that tells you “rest a bit more.”

(Before I leave… I highly recommend the book Dark Matter. I did not think it was as mind blowing as many others have… because Multiverse and Many Earths theory is in no way new to me; but it is still a very good book!)

PS: In case it isn’t clear to anyone yet… how could people give us fucking Trump? This man sides with Russia against the United States; Bully-Tweets Arnold Schwarzenegger over Celebrity Apprentice (proving, once again, that staying attached to the show IS a conflict of interest); and then Bully-Tweets about Meryl Streep. There were/are people in this country who think this thin-skinned, whining, infantile piece of shit was “the right man to take on ISIS”? He can’t even see past himself to take on The Presidency! The only way Trump would ever go after ISIS or any other enemy of the United States is if they said something personally about Trump. The only way Trump will go after ISIS is if ISIS mocks him specifically. Bomb us, kill us, destroy America… he won’t care. But if they say “Donald Trump is worth less money than Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi!” THEN Trump will get serious. I can’t fucking believe our Country is giving this man so much power. And I can’t fucking believe more people aren’t screaming with worry about it.

Last updated January 09, 2017