I've Been Ugly in meh...

Okay so…

I actually knocked on my neighbors door to tell him, no ask if he would turn down the music. Before that I was in a murderous rage about it and worked myself up into a bad mood. Only because it was two nights in a row. No. Only because he does it when it’s late and he does it for hours and hours into the night.

This, coupled with me not having any money for Christmas, I’m PMS-ing as well, I am not in the best of moods. I wanted to go out but the blasting music put me on edge and I didn’t want to spread that cheerfulness out on the masses.

I actually got the kiddo some dvds but I don’t know when they will arrive. I’ve been avoiding talking about Christmas because I don’t want him to be excited and wake up to nothing. Haven’t heard from his mother. That’s all I will say about that.

I also miss my sister. I think I am failing her with the business. I don’t know what to do. I mean I don’t have money to throw at it and don’t know where to start for real. I’m faced with having to start a new career as a paralegal and once I get money for that, then get on with the business but who knows how long that will take. Seriously.

All of these emotions and I want to just cry. I’ve not been drunk enough, I miss not being able to do anything for my mom. The only bus that goes out there runs in the morning and evenings Mon-Fri.

I have this little boy that demands so much of my time. I don’t get a minute of quiet to myself at home, at work, I try not to have my son be super bogged down with him. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

Scott & RJ hung out like all day yesterday Christmas shopping and ended at The Grammaphone for music eats and a good time I can’t afford. I feel like the quintessential failure. Yeah, I’m grateful to be able to keep a roof over our heads but I need food and my bills paid.

I was talking to someone the other day and felt so bad afterwards because I swear it was sounding like I was begging and trying to elicit emotion to gain and I apologized for that. Let that person know I’m just stressing.

I hate feeling like this.
Scott offered to take me to Mom’s on Christmas. I can at least take her The Prestige so she can watch it and really explain Finding Neverland to her because she didn’t like it. Lol

So I think that’s all for the moment.

Since I won’t be back Im certain, love your families and have wonderful Christmases with them.
Merry Christmas.

Kindest regards,
Sister

Last updated December 24, 2016