Drugs and Work Stuff in Diary

So I was reading up about these anxiety pills that I’m taking (Mirtazapine / Remeron) and I’ve figured out why I’ve been eating everything in sight the last few weeks. Apparently one of their other uses is as an anti-emetic / appetite stimulant. Bloody hell, the doctor didn’t tell me this. The last few weeks all I’ve been thinking about is food and I’ve been eating non-stop and had no idea why. After Jay died, I lost 12lb in less than two weeks. Since I’ve been taking these pills, I’ve put most of it back on again. I need to keep that in check. I’ve also figured out why I’ve been struggling to stay awake at work, because these pills are also used to help you to sleep. FFS it would have been nice if the doctor had told me all this, instead he just printed off a prescription without even really explaining what it was, bam, kicked me out the door.

I was wondering how you’re supposed to know when you’re ready to come off them? If I think I’m feeling ok, then that might be because the pills are helping me to feel ok, or maybe it’s because I really am ok. How am I supposed to know? So I was reading up on that and a tapered withdrawal is recommended, keeping a close eye on the symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms are as long as your arm and can include, among other things; chest pains, stomach pains, vomiting, headaches, all over itching, mania, depression, loss of concentration, dizziness, fatigue, ‘flu like symptoms, heart palpitations, irritability, sweats, tremors. And that’s even if you carry out a tapered withdrawal. Again, the doctor never warned me about any of this and now I’m worrying about it; the withdrawal sounds worse than never taking them at all. It’s the prospect of vomiting that’s scaring me the most, being an emetophobe.

Well I just got a second prescription for the next four weeks, so I’m going to carry on with that for now. I need to get Christmas and New Year out of the way, and then probably selling the house and finishing the probate. After all that, maybe then I can start thinking about coming off them. I just don’t like relying on pills and have never had to take anything before.

In other news, I found out at work yesterday I’m going to be looking after the north region in my new job. Excellent, the north is definitely the best region, all the best people are northern ;o) It includes everything from Leeds / Manchester all the way up to the top of the country including Scotland. So it’s a large area, but I will be sharing it with two other people. There aren’t as many sites though, they’re a lot more spread out; we have three people just looking after London so that gives you an idea of the difference! The main challenge in this will be the fact that the engineers are going to be more spaced out and will have to do a lot more travelling in between sites, so choosing which jobs they attend to is going to be a very careful task as there will be a lot of travel time involved. I start first day back on January 3rd, so I only have five more days on the helpdesk! No more angry customers!

We have our work Christmas party tonight. Free food, free bar, free night in a hotel 10 minutes from work. It should be fun. I painted my nails last night and have chipped them already, but I forgot to bring it with me so I can’t even fix it. Frist world problems.