Day off. in Since OD is shutting down....

I haven’t done much today and didn’t really hear from anyone. I talked to my Mom about my brother blowing me off and she just wants to know what I have to say. I don’t bother telling her because honestly, she really doesn’t care and will have negative things to say. This is already a tough situation that I’m not going to let anyone make it even harder for me. I will let them know that it’s not their child and not their problem. I will be the one to raise it and be financially responsible so I really don’t care what they will have to say.

My co-workers have text and called today to tell me that the GM that was mean to me yesterday has continued to be a fucking prick today and we are thinking he won’t be around for too long. I honestly hope not because if I continue to have problems with him, I know my boss will suggest me transferring to a different store and I’m not going to. I shouldn’t have to leave when I’ve been there for 3 years and he’s barely been there 3 fucking months. This motherfucker acts like he’s the only one with problems when he’s responsible for cutting everyone’s hours, including mine when he knows damn well I have a baby on the way.

My paycheck was $180 short of my rent and my car insurance is $91 and will come out tomorrow. My next check will be just as terrible so I’m going to take my paystubs and see about getting my rent lowered. I’m barely hitting 25 hours a week now so there’s no reason for my rent to stay high anymore!! Been doing a lot of thinking about a new job and going back to school once my kid is here. I know that I don’t want to stay at this job but I want to until I have my kid because I can’t see myself trying to handle the stress of being pregnant and trying to start a new job because of my social anxiety. Hell to the no!!

My baby appointment is tomorrow at 1. I’ve reached out to this girl I that just recently quit and she said she’ll come with me. I’m pretty happy about that because I don’t want to go by myself and I don’t have anyone else. It’s really sad how much I’ve done for other people and none of them are there when I need them the most. It’s no wonder why I’ve chosen to just be in my own little bubble for so damn long. It’s frustrating but I want to be happy and excited about having a mini me so I want to focus more on that than people not giving a fuck about me. Well, I give a fuck about me.

My friend Heather that was a complete bitch the other night on the phone has called a couple of times today and I didn’t answer. She’s another one. I only hear from her when it’s easy for her and yes I fully understand she’s married, kids, and a job but we went from talking everyday to her calling maybe once a week. I don’t want to feel like I’m just a fucking convenience for anyone. If people can’t stay consistent than it’s not my responsibility to be either. I also don’t want to try and stay friends with someone who says I just want my baby daddy for his paycheck when I don’t even know if I plan on filing for child support. This bitch doesn’t know me at all. Fuck her.

Tomorrow I have to get up early to shower and make sure I shave everything because I guess they are going to do a pap and maybe have to put the thing up there to do the ultrasound. I honestly might do the food bank because I’m fucking broke and I’m seriously sick of not having any food at my house. I’m out of milk and I’d really like to eat cereal or oatmeal for breakfast. My job is really starting to get to me because I can’t continue struggling to pay my fucking rent and not having any food!

I’m just so frustrated with everything. I’m honestly sick of doing everything by myself and when other people are around, it just costs me money or they bring a bunch of fucking drama so I can’t enjoy other people’s company anyway. I just want to have friends that can come over and hang out.

My brother’s friend said that we are ridiculous because he’s never seen anyone fight like we do. Um, excuse me? I’ve been trying to reach out to my brother for 2 weeks now and I’ve gotten nowhere. I’m not being ridiculous, I’m trying to be the mature one, take the high road like I always fucking do because I’d like to tell them about the baby and I’d like to see my niece. Somehow though, I’m always lumped into being ridiculous and immature because no one can ever say that my brother is only wrong, it’s always both of us. Whatever.

Anyways, my back is starting to hurt so I’m going to lay down and watch a movie before bed. I’ll write tomorrow after my appointment.