Blocked. in Since OD is shutting down....

So Eric left today. He blew up my phone all night long and I didn’t respond because I do this crazy thing called sleep at 1am. I woke up this morning, talked to my friend and then passed the fuck out for a few hours. I woke up to messages from him saying he hopes something bad happens to me and I need to have an abortion. I then blocked him. I’m sorry that he’s crazy and when he feels angry or ignored, he gets even more evil but I’m done allowing it into my daily life.

I honestly don’t care who disagrees with me ending contact with my child’s father and I refuse to argue with anyone. It’s my decision and there’s no law stating you have to stay in communication with ANYONE. I have enough to worry about that I don’t need someone telling me I need to kill my child. That was completely uncalled for and there’s no need to let him be able to message me anymore. We’ve known for a week and a half that I was pregnant and all he’s done is threaten me and create drama. I just can’t deal with it anymore.

He acts like this is going to affect him but I promise it’s going to affect me a helluva lot more me than it ever will him. I try to be sensitive to the fact that he’s scared but there’s better ways of dealing with it instead of telling me to have an abortion. Eric has said some of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard and I think it would be better for both of us to completely shut him out. Maybe with him not being able to contact me, it will make it easier for him to concentrate with work and school and maybe he’ll think about things and realize that his behavior is completely uncalled for and he’ll change. I honestly doubt it but I won’t continue contact with anyone that’s going to say stupid shit to me. I don’t need extra things to be upset about.

Work was decent tonight. I left an hour early but got 3 extra hours already this week so it balances out. My boss was there tonight and told me she’ll get me more hours next week. I just don’t want to have to text her every week when I’m only scheduled 3 fucking days. I honestly wonder if I should look for another job. The new GM is all about labor and keeping it under so much but he’s taken so many hours away from everyone that people are going to start quitting and then their won’t be anyone’s hours to shave down anymore. I know that I’m fine working super part time because I’m dealing with heartburn, nausea, being tired, and my back hurting but I still need to put in at least 25 hours a week.

I’m hoping that I’m going to start feeling better about things not having to worry about hearing from Eric. The past few days, I’ve felt really alone and not good about anything. I feel like I’m just walking around in a fog and I don’t like it. I miss feeling happy and usually in a good mood. It doesn’t feel great when you kids’ Dad isn’t supportive and can’t just be nice to you. He helped make this situation happen so I don’t get how it’s acceptable for him to treat me the way he has. All he’s done is tear me down, belittle me, and make me glad I’m stable so I don’t have to try and depend on him for ANYTHING.

I work in the morning so I need to try and get to sleep. I am really looking forward to my days off so I can just lay in bed and sleep. I’m super broke because of rent and car insurance but I’m hoping I’ll make some decent money tomorrow so I can buy some groceries. I never had to worry about this shit before and I’m really hoping it’s not going to last too much longer because I’m already super stressed and don’t want to continue this way.

Goodnight.